Robert: So what's new? I was just taking Shamsky out for a drive today. It's nice out, huh? So what's new?
Frank: Cut the crap. Your mother asked him already.
Ray: Robert, why do you have to have Mom ask me to take you to the Hall of Fame?
Robert: Ma, you were supposed to make it seem like it just came up.
Marie: And you were supposed to wait across the street until I flashed the Venetian blinds.

Ray: Look, we'll go in, you'll meet Art Shamsky and the rest of the Mets. On the ride home, we'll get you a Happy Meal.

Ray: What are you doing?
Robert: I just want to preserve this moment. I mean, how often do I get to see the "Ray-Doesn't-Get-Everything Show"?
Ray: Okay, I know what this is. "Oh, it never ends for Raymond. He has everything, I have nothing. Oh, mopey, mopey, pouty, pouty, snooty, snooty. Oh!"
Robert: No, no, I admit that there may have been times when I might have mentioned in passing that I possibly envied you. But not anymore. And would you like to know why?
Ray: Yeah, no, not really. Where the hell is the waitress?
Robert: Everything you have: successful career, great family, free hot dogs, has made you lose touch with reality. You are spoiled.
Ray: Oh yeah, and I guess all those years sponging off Mom and Dad have made you a better person.
Robert: It certainly did. I may have a thankless job, be divorced, pay full price for a hot dog, but I happen to have something you'll never have.
Ray: A tail?
Robert: Character, Ray.
Ray: Oh yeah, yeah. You're very superior.
Robert: Yeah, you see I am superior because I'm humble.