Mary Beth: You know, your mother's wonderful.
Ray: Yeah?
Mary Beth: Oh yes. She gave me some great advice on how to have a long and happy marriage.
Ray: Really? Long and happy?
Mary Beth: Yes. She says it's important to remember you're not just his lover, you're his best friend. She's so smart. Thank you, Marie.
Marie: Oh, anytime, sweetheart. And I'll see you at Tai Chi, okay?
Ray: You told her you and Dad were best friends?
Marie: I also told her that childbirth isn't that painful. She's on her honeymoon. She's got the rest of her life to be disappointed.

Ray: What? What happened to you?
Frank: I was bringing the suitcases down. The bum knee popped out again.
Marie: You're so clumsy.
Frank: That's the thanks I get for blowing my knee out in Korea making the world safe for your mother.
Ray: You told me you slipped off a massage table in Tokyo.
Frank: Nevertheless.

Robert: You... You're not limping.
Frank: Oh, yeah. Uh, it's a miracle.
Robert: Dad?
Frank: Honest. I was watching one of those religious channels. I pledged five bucks. Praise the Lord!
Robert: You faker! The moaning and groaning and flopping on the couch.
Frank: Pretty good, huh?
Robert: What kind of a person are you?
Frank: I'm a very smart person. Marie will be much better off without me anyway. And what are you complaining about? You're free to go. Everybody gets what they want.
Robert: I guess. Everybody except Raymond.
Frank: God bless that magnificent bastard!