Marie: Can we please put on the heat?
Frank: It's too expensive.
Marie: I'm freezing, Frank. What is it with you? We all have to get pneumonia so you can save 3 cents?
Frank: You know, most of the body's heat escapes through the head. So you might want to seal up any large openings.

Robert: Can I cut you a piece to go, Ray?
Ray: Yeah, just so you know, that's my cake, okay? She actually made it for my birthday.
Robert: Huh, for your birthday. Okay, let's see... "Happy Birthday, Robby." So what is that like a typo?
Ray: Come on, you know she's just trying to make me feel guilty for that high school party I had.
Robert: Raymond, Raymond, Raymond, Raymond. You know, I sort of feel a little sorry for you, cubby, I really do.
Ray: Get outta here! Get outta here.
Robert: Look at you, huh? Your whole life, you've always been Mom's favorite, right? It's always been 75% you, 25% me.
Ray: What do you got? A pie chart?
Robert: No pie. Cake! And it appears the numbers have changed.

Frank: There was no party. We just smeared chocolate on your face and took the picture.
Marie: Frank!
Robert: What's he talking about, Ma?
Marie: Well, you see, dear, little babies really don't have any idea it's their birthday.
Frank: They're too dumb.
Marie: So we took a picture, so we'd have something to show you when you got older.
Robert: What about this picture of Raymond on his first birthday? Looks like he's having a party.
Marie: Well, of course, Raymond had a party.
Robert: What?!
Marie: Let me tell you what I learned about children, dear. See, with the first one, you might make a couple of mistakes. But if you're sensitive, you don't make the same ones with the second child.