Ray Quote #577
Debra: I'm just saying it probably meant a lot to Andy to get your feedback, and maybe you could have been a little bit nicer.
Ray: Hey, you weren't there. I was very nice. I tried to give him the key to the Mint.
Debra: The key to the Mint? You didn't say that, did you?
Ray: It's an expression.
Debra: Oh, and you are the keeper of the key to the Mint?
Ray: No, I- I happen to have one of the keys.
Quote from Debra
Debra: Come on, admit it. You're a little self-centered.
Debra: Yeah, all you can see is how this news affects you. And can I tell you something? This isn't just with Andy.
Ray: Where is this coming from?
Debra: It's coming from those of us orbiting around you.
Ray: You think I'm self-centered? Me? Me? Me?!
Quote from Frank
Marie: You're the one who's self-centered. I slave over those muffins and you don't even have the decency to eat it because they're not sliced right!
Frank: How about you? I got to eat my muffin your way!
Robert: I'll eat the muffin.
Marie: No, you go upstairs and get your brother a blue toothbrush. They're not all for you!
Robert: Oh, what are you saying? I'm self-centered now?
Frank: You? Definitely! "I can't buy clothes where normal people buy clothes!" "I need my own apartment." "Everyone shoots at me!"
Quote from Frank
Ray: Hey, we're out of milk.
Marie: Help yourself. You want to hear the latest? Your father wants to shave his head.
Ray: Why don't you just stick your head out the car window?
Frank: Where's my razor?
Marie: Oh, sit down. We do not shave our heads in this house.
Frank: It's my house and my head!
Marie: I'm not going to be seen with you like that.
Frank: Another advantage!
Marie: I'm hiding all the razors.
Ray: You're not going to shave your head.
Frank: Of course not. I just want to read the paper.
Quote from Counseling
Debra: That's why I want to go to counseling. I don't think it's that you're just lazy. I think there's a deeper reason behind this, and if we could just figure it out, you and I could be happier.
Ray: Come on, you know me. There's not much deepness. I just... I like to be taken care of.
Debra: You gotta understand, Ray, that that's not a wife. That's a mother.
Ray: Well, maybe that's what I want!
Frank: Holy crap!
Quote from The Ingrate
Debra: You have to admit, you're not the most professorial kind of guy.
Ray: I can be exceedingly professorial.
Debra: No, I know. I was just remembering that time you read the word "stohma-cha-chuh."
Ray: What's your point?
Debra: You read "stohma-cha-chuh." And the word really is...
Debra: I am just teasing you.
Ray: Yeah, right.
Debra: No, come on. Kiss me again. For once, I don't have a "head-ah-cha-chuh."
Quote from The Plan
Robert: What do you want me to say? I need to do the wedding invitations. Amy wants me to do it, so I'm doing it. Come on, help me.
Ray: All right. Here's what you do: You- You write a version of the invitation, but you do a horrible job. Okay? She'll see it, do it herself, and never ask you to do anything else with this wedding. You're welcome.
Robert: But it's terrible, Raymond. I'm not gonna intentionally screw it up just to get out of the work.
Frank: Hey, dummy, listen to your stupid brother.
Ray: Look, look. When we got engaged, Debra put me in charge of the music. Okay. So I found a DJ. She wanted a band. So I found a band. She didn't like the band, so I found another band. Nope! The truth is, she wanted to do it, but she just got it in her head that I should be part of this whole wedding experience. So you know what I did? I sent over this guy who sang and played the accordion. He had a keyboard with violins and trumpets and drum noises. His name was "Zippers, the One-Man Wedding Band." Next thing you know, she tells me, "Never mind, she'll take care of the music." I sat down, turned on the TV and never looked back.
Frank: That's a beautiful story.