Ray Quote #347
Andy: Hey, here's a knee-slapper. It's a guy walking over a hill. Get it? Over the hill! He's old, your father.
Ray: Look at this one. This one's funny. On the front, it looks like big breasts. Not so fast. Open it up. The butt of a chimpanzee. My father wins either way.
Andy: Well, they're all so good. Why don't you just pick one?
Ray: You know what? It's got to be this one. The baby crying with a bowl of spaghetti dumped on his head.
Andy: That'll be funny to your father?
Ray: He laughed when he did it to me.
Everybody Loves Raymond Quotes
‘The Gift’ Quotes
Quote from Marie
Frank: Hey, it's not that fruit-of-the-month thing again, is it?
Ray: No, no, no.
Marie: Oh, that was the worst!
Frank: They're still coming! We got grapefruit out the wazoo!
Marie: You promised. You promised you'd stop them.
Debra: You're still on the computer. It's gonna take a couple of months.
Marie: Dear God!
Quote from Ray
Ray: Don't you see? I've set a precedent now. I got him a tropical fish tank. Now every year I got to get him something bigger and better.
Debra: No, no, no. Nobody says you have to keep topping yourself.
Ray: Yes, you do. That's the way gifts are. You have to. You can't get him an aquarium one year and the next year, Isotoners.
Debra: Your dad loves the gift. Just enjoy the moment.
Ray: I've had no training for that.
Debra: The good news is you don't have to worry about this for a year.
Ray: You know nothing about worry. It's not that I don't have to worry for a year. It's that I have a year to worry.
Quote from Frank
Ray: Okay, I understand. That's more of the symbol thing. You don't want me to replace the fish because you don't want me to replace you when you, you know? When you're dead.
Frank: When I'm dead? What are you bringing that up for? I don't want you to replace the fish because I found out it costs $40! Who the hell buys a $40 fish? Salmon costs $13.95 a pound, and you can eat it!
Ray: That's what you're mad at?
Frank: Yeah, yeah. Then I find out the whole fish tank costs $600! Where do you get off spending that kind of money? How's that supposed to make me feel?
Ray: Happy?
Frank: Jeezalou. $600 on a box of water!