Frank: I tell you what. Whatever you do, I'll do the pictures for it.
Debra: Pictures?
Frank: I've dabbled in the visual arts. I've painted some bullfighters, some nudes.
Marie: You painted naked ladies off a deck of dirty cards.
Frank: I had to. After Robert was born, you stopped posing for me.
Marie: Frank!
Robert: What?
Ray: Oh. Okay, I have to gouge out my eyes.
Robert: You can't gouge out your mind's eye.

Frank: Debra, sweetheart, settle a bet. ls this container microwavable?
Debra: No, Frank.
Marie: [o.s.] I told you that wasn't the sauce. You're eating melted plastic.
Frank: Wow, everything is better with cheese on it.

Frank: Your mother was just telling the story of how you wet your pants at home plate.
Robert: Ma.
Marie: It's for Debra's children's book.
Robert: It's gonna be in a book?
Debra: No, Marie. Marie, please, I don't think I'm gonna use the story.
Robert: That's my story. You can't use it. I have the rights to that story.
Debra: Robert, I'm not using the story.
Marie: Why not? It's an important story. It has a moral about how kids shouldn't tease other kids and how you should listen to your mother and not hold it.