Everybody Loves Raymond - Ray Quote #1797
Bernie: Where's Debra?
Ray: Debra? Oh, uh, I left without her.
Andy: What do you mean?
Ray: She wasn't ready on time, so I left.
Bernie: So is she coming?
Ray: Perhaps. She's a licensed driver, she's got access to a car. Everything she needs to get here when she's good and ready. [to a passerby] Hey, how you doing?
Andy: I don't know anything about women, but isn't this gonna make er mad?
Ray: It shouldn't. We had a deal, the time was set, she didn't make it. Goodbye. Bacon-wrapped shrimp!
Quote from Debra
Ray: Let me tell you something: My father had a system. AlS. When we were kids and we were going on a car trip, he would set a time. "We're leaving 9:00! AlS!"
Ray: "Ass in seat." If anyone's ass was not in their seat at the designated time, that ass was left behind.
Debra: So, in the fall, did you have to set your ass back an hour?
Quote from Ray
Ray: Every single time we go out, you make me wait.
Debra: What? That's not true.
Ray: That's every single time. You know how I hate being late. It makes me very anxious. I get all ugh-eh inside.
Debra: Well, Ray, if I'm late, maybe it's because the government requires that one of us tends to the children.
Ray: Oh, don't give me that. The children are nowhere near you when you're up here... [mimes putting on make-up]
Debra: You are one ugly woman.
Ray: Blaming the children. You were doing this to me before we were married. You'd make me wait in your apartment while you were getting ready and I had to sit there and look at your... books.
Debra: You know, you used to think I was worth waiting for.
Ray: You were worth waiting for. But after 15 years, you should be here by now.
Quote from Ray
Ray: When I'm waiting in the car and you're up here la-di-dahing, it's perfectly clear that you don't care about me.
Debra: Oh, okay, Ray, I'm sorry that it feels that way to you, but I promise that is not what's going on.
Ray: Yeah, yeah.
Debra: No, really. I mean it. What time are the ESPY Awards tomorrow?
Ray: Oh, no. That's right. The ESPY Awards. You're gonna do it again, aren't you? You're gonna make me late for my favorite night of the year.
Debra: I don't wanna be late for it either. I've been looking forward to this night all year long, too. I even bought a great new dress.
Ray: Oh! A new dress! Please! Let me just save us time right now, okay? The shoes go perfect and it makes you look skinny. Okay? So, please, could you just put it all on now and go sleep in the car?
Quote from Counseling
Debra: That's why I want to go to counseling. I don't think it's that you're just lazy. I think there's a deeper reason behind this, and if we could just figure it out, you and I could be happier.
Ray: Come on, you know me. There's not much deepness. I just... I like to be taken care of.
Debra: You gotta understand, Ray, that that's not a wife. That's a mother.
Ray: Well, maybe that's what I want!
Frank: Holy crap!
Quote from The Ingrate
Debra: You have to admit, you're not the most professorial kind of guy.
Ray: I can be exceedingly professorial.
Debra: No, I know. I was just remembering that time you read the word "stohma-cha-chuh."
Ray: What's your point?
Debra: You read "stohma-cha-chuh." And the word really is...
Debra: I am just teasing you.
Ray: Yeah, right.
Debra: No, come on. Kiss me again. For once, I don't have a "head-ah-cha-chuh."
Quote from The Plan
Robert: What do you want me to say? I need to do the wedding invitations. Amy wants me to do it, so I'm doing it. Come on, help me.
Ray: All right. Here's what you do: You- You write a version of the invitation, but you do a horrible job. Okay? She'll see it, do it herself, and never ask you to do anything else with this wedding. You're welcome.
Robert: But it's terrible, Raymond. I'm not gonna intentionally screw it up just to get out of the work.
Frank: Hey, dummy, listen to your stupid brother.
Ray: Look, look. When we got engaged, Debra put me in charge of the music. Okay. So I found a DJ. She wanted a band. So I found a band. She didn't like the band, so I found another band. Nope! The truth is, she wanted to do it, but she just got it in her head that I should be part of this whole wedding experience. So you know what I did? I sent over this guy who sang and played the accordion. He had a keyboard with violins and trumpets and drum noises. His name was "Zippers, the One-Man Wedding Band." Next thing you know, she tells me, "Never mind, she'll take care of the music." I sat down, turned on the TV and never looked back.
Frank: That's a beautiful story.