Frank Quote #755
Frank: Holy crap!
Ray: Too loud. I'm sorry.
Debra: Turn it down!
Ray: I'm trying. You're blockin' the laser beam thing. See, with a CD, you can turn it loud, no distortion.
Marie: Oh, my heart. Oh, my eggs.
Frank: What are you tryin' to do to us?
Marie: Oh, that was awful, Raymond.
Frank: Yes, and these ornaments were on sale.
Ray: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I wanted to give you the opportunity to hear your jazz records Iike you've never heard 'em before.
Frank: Yeah, that's like I've never heard 'em before. I didn't realize it was gonna be the soundtrack to my funeral.
Quote from Marie
Ray: Look, see. Listen. When you get the plastic off, all you do is insert the disc, you close the tray, put the selector on CD, and press "play."
Marie: We're not astronauts, Raymond.
Ray: Fine. I'll write it down for you, Ma.
Quote from Frank
Frank: [chuckles] What goes around comes around, huh, Ray?
Ray: What do you mean?
Frank: Just like when you ruined my jazz records.
Ray: Oh, all right. Dad, look, we all know the story, okay, so not again.
Frank: Why not? It's a short story. Once upon a time, I had great jazz records. You were born, now I don't.
Ray: All right! You know, you've been on me for this for over 30 years.
Frank: I believe it was the winter of '69.
Ray: Will you stop it?
Frank: I had just come home from a hard day's work...
Quote from Frank
Frank: Hey, Marie, let's go. I need a damn sandwich before I get cranky.
Ray: Dad, look at all this stuff. It's just sittin' here.
Frank: What, Mount Crapmore?
Ray: This stuff, it's not crap, Dad. Mom, you should put this microwave in the kitchen. It's great. Debra has the same model.
Marie: Well, I'm sold.
Ray: Dad, you want a pot roast? You can have it in 15 minutes with this.
Marie: I can get it in 10 with this. [points to Marie]
Ray: Okay, how about this, automatic garage-door opener? You don't gotta break your back liftin' the door. [Frank points to Marie again]
Quote from Mother's Day
Frank: Let me ask you something, pal. What have you had, a tough week? Well, I've been living with your mother since... before you were born!
Ray: Debra wouldn't let the twins tell a "knock, knock" joke!
Frank: She's right! "Knock, knock" jokes stink!
Ray: That's not the point! Mom came over with her friends to show how cute the twins are telling a "knock, knock" joke, and Debra couldn't even give her that little of joy!
Frank: Well, who the hell is Marie to come barging in, demanding joy, when Debra's wrestling with the damn kids?
Ray: She didn't have to be so rude!
Frank: Rude is the only thing that gets through to her! How do you think I got the way I am? I used to be a gentleman!
Quote from The Nice Talk
Frank: Can I watch TV now?
Marie: No, Frank.
Frank: Then what the hell are we gonna do all night?
Hank: Less cursing, I hope.
Frank: Who cursed?
Hank: You referred to the antipode of heaven.
Frank: What the hell kind of moon-man talk is that?
Quote from Talk to Your Daughter
Debra: Will you please stop? It turns out Ally doesn't want to know how we get here, she wants to know why we're here, why God put us on Earth. And she's waiting for Ray to answer her.
Frank: What's wrong with you? It's simple.
Ray: Oh, okay. Yeah. We're gonna learn the meaning of life from a guy who once threw his shoe at a swan.
Frank: That's called protecting your sandwich. Listen to me. Here's what life is: you're born, you go to school, you go to work, you die. That's it. That's all. Cannoli, Marie!