Everybody Loves Raymond - Ray Quote #1686

Quote from Ray in Home From School

Michael: The kids teased me.
Ray: What?
Michael: In my class, all the kids laughed at me.
Ray: The kids laughed at you?
Michael: Why? I went up to the teacher to ask her a question, and I accidentally said "Mommy."
Ray: You called the teacher "Mommy"? [Michael nods] Why? Was the teacher yelling? [Michael shakes his head]
Michael: Then I cried, and everybody called me "crybaby."
Ray: [sighs] I made you eat the fiber.

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‘Home From School’ Quotes

Quote from Frank

Marie: How come Michael doesn't want to go to school?
Ray: Nobody wants to go to school. He didn't do his homework.
Frank: Listen to me. You wanna know how to motivate a kid? You get him something he really loves, then take it away.
Debra: All right, Frank.
Frank: He likes trains, right? So you get him a nice, new, steam locomotive. Something that makes his face really light up. Then you get a hammer!
Debra: We're not gonna smash his trains.
Frank: Does he have a turtle?

Quote from Frank

Debra: I don't know. I just don't know what to do anymore.
Frank: Hey, Deb, I could show you a couple of techniques I used to get these two mutts out of bed.
Ray: We're not gonna put ice cubes down his pants, Dad.
Frank: I'm not saying you start with that. I'm saying you start with what I used to call The Dirty-Sock Alarm Clock.
Marie: Oh, Frank, that was disgusting.
Frank: You reach way down to the bottom of the hamper...
Debra: We're not doing that, Frank.
Frank: It's called Tough, Smelly Love.
Robert: Sometimes he'd use my own sock against me.

Quote from Frank

Marie: I'll tell you what the problem is, Debra.
Debra: I was hoping you would, Marie.
Marie: You let the kids play those computer, video-tronic games, and after that, school is just boring to them. It's just an old lady talking.
Frank: Where do you get those video-tronic games?
Marie: Why do I say anything?
Frank: Exactly.

Ray Quotes

Quote from Counseling

Debra: That's why I want to go to counseling. I don't think it's that you're just lazy. I think there's a deeper reason behind this, and if we could just figure it out, you and I could be happier.
Ray: Come on, you know me. There's not much deepness. I just... I like to be taken care of.
Debra: You gotta understand, Ray, that that's not a wife. That's a mother.
Ray: Well, maybe that's what I want!
Frank: Holy crap!

Quote from The Ingrate

Debra: You have to admit, you're not the most professorial kind of guy.
Ray: I can be exceedingly professorial.
Debra: No, I know. I was just remembering that time you read the word "stohma-cha-chuh."
Ray: What's your point?
Debra: You read "stohma-cha-chuh." And the word really is...
Ray: Stomachache.
Debra: I am just teasing you.
Ray: Yeah, right.
Debra: No, come on. Kiss me again. For once, I don't have a "head-ah-cha-chuh."

Quote from The Plan

Robert: What do you want me to say? I need to do the wedding invitations. Amy wants me to do it, so I'm doing it. Come on, help me.
Ray: All right. Here's what you do: You- You write a version of the invitation, but you do a horrible job. Okay? She'll see it, do it herself, and never ask you to do anything else with this wedding. You're welcome.
Robert: But it's terrible, Raymond. I'm not gonna intentionally screw it up just to get out of the work.
Frank: Hey, dummy, listen to your stupid brother.
Ray: Look, look. When we got engaged, Debra put me in charge of the music. Okay. So I found a DJ. She wanted a band. So I found a band. She didn't like the band, so I found another band. Nope! The truth is, she wanted to do it, but she just got it in her head that I should be part of this whole wedding experience. So you know what I did? I sent over this guy who sang and played the accordion. He had a keyboard with violins and trumpets and drum noises. His name was "Zippers, the One-Man Wedding Band." Next thing you know, she tells me, "Never mind, she'll take care of the music." I sat down, turned on the TV and never looked back.
Frank: That's a beautiful story.