Frank Quote #680
Robert: Except that Ray would come home at 9:00, wait for you to fall asleep, and then sneak back out.
Marie: Raymond, is that true?
Frank: No, it is not true, Marie. It is manure.
Robert: And he would always brag that he had the stairs memorized. You know, which ones would squeak, which didn't. And once he got down 'em, it was out the door for another night of bad judgment and questionable behavior.
Frank: Baloney! Ray knew what would happen if he blinked without my permission. I had him shivering in his boots. He knew if he lived in my house, he lived by my rules. Sneak out! Ha!
Ray: Actually, Dad, with your snoring, I could have marched out of there blowing a trumpet.
Frank: You little punk!
Quote from Marie
Marie: You spent their childhood being a dreadful goon, and all it did was make them want to sneak out of the house.
Frank: Maybe they wanted to get away from you. That's why I sneak out of the house.
Marie: Don't you dare try to turn this around. You insisted on being the disciplinarian. You're the one who said to me, "Oh, don't hug them so much. You'll make them soft." Well, obviously, I should have never stopped hugging them! [hugs Ray & Robert] Oh! I am so sorry I let this crazy man loose on you.
Frank: Stop hugging them!
Marie: No, Frank. That's what parenting is... love. You just love 'em. No matter how many bad decisions they make, no matter how many times they don't listen to you, you just keep loving and hope that maybe someday that love will make them realize how much they hurt you.
Robert: And you wonder why I drank the schnapps.
Quote from Ray
Ray: Guys, it's okay. You can wake up now. Sit up, guys. I want to talk to you. Michael, come over here. Come on. Listen, guys I said something before that was pretty harsh. But, uh, I said it, and I'm sticking by it. Okay, you understand that? I'm not backing down. So if you think Daddy's a party clown, "Look at the bubbles coming out of his heinie" you can just forget about it. But I might have a deal for you guys. You want your TV back, and holidays, and staying up until it's dark out? [they nod] Okay, well, I can make all that happen if you just promise me one thing. Okay? Just promise me you'll obey everything Mommy and Daddy tell you from now until you're 60... 65... 65! Okay? That seems fair. Deal?
Ray: All right, come here. Now, listen, guys, I don't want you to think that I'm an idiot and I really believe that we've got a deal here. Your mother and I have been talking, and we know that you're gonna get older and you're gonna do things, and we know there's nothing we can do about it. But, guys, if you do, make sure we never find out about it. We don't want to know.
Quote from Mother's Day
Frank: Let me ask you something, pal. What have you had, a tough week? Well, I've been living with your mother since... before you were born!
Ray: Debra wouldn't let the twins tell a "knock, knock" joke!
Frank: She's right! "Knock, knock" jokes stink!
Ray: That's not the point! Mom came over with her friends to show how cute the twins are telling a "knock, knock" joke, and Debra couldn't even give her that little of joy!
Frank: Well, who the hell is Marie to come barging in, demanding joy, when Debra's wrestling with the damn kids?
Ray: She didn't have to be so rude!
Frank: Rude is the only thing that gets through to her! How do you think I got the way I am? I used to be a gentleman!
Quote from Talk to Your Daughter
Debra: Will you please stop? It turns out Ally doesn't want to know how we get here, she wants to know why we're here, why God put us on Earth. And she's waiting for Ray to answer her.
Frank: What's wrong with you? It's simple.
Ray: Oh, okay. Yeah. We're gonna learn the meaning of life from a guy who once threw his shoe at a swan.
Frank: That's called protecting your sandwich. Listen to me. Here's what life is: you're born, you go to school, you go to work, you die. That's it. That's all. Cannoli, Marie!