Marie Quote #515
Frank: Hey. You know what the guys at the lodge were just telling me? Apparently if you install it yourself, a satellite dish is actually quite affordable. Makes you think, doesn't it? Anyway, make me a sandwich, will ya?
Marie: You want a sandwich?
Frank: Uh, roast beef, mayo, mustard, lettuce, tomato, cheese, easy onion.
Marie: Sounds nice. What kind of bread?
Frank: Let's go with the whole wheat today, shall we?
Marie: All right.
[Marie hits Frank with the bread]
Frank: Ow! Hey! Hey! Ow! Okay, white bread, then!
Marie: You didn't think I'd catch on to you, Mr. Sleazy Man? Oh, I caught on. Oh, did I catch on! Sure, getting the two of us to wait on you hand and foot, exploiting the situation. I wish this bread was stale, I would give you a concussion!
Quote from Robert
Debra: What is it, Robert?
Robert: Well, maybe it's just me, but I'm of the opinion that a man should be more concerned about his family's well-being than figuring out a way to get his wife to let him go on a week-long golf retreat to Myrtle Beach.
Debra: What golf retreat?
Robert: Come on, you haven't noticed he's been dropping hints like crazy? Maybe that's because you're too busy running around gassing up his car, drinking wine, and having to... do things because of the wine.
Debra: Robert, all l-
Robert: Wake up, sis! Dad and Raymond have a laundry list of stuff they're trying to get out of you two! They're exploiting the situation, they're playing you two against each other, they're laughing at you, and it's making me sick! But if it doesn't bother you...
Quote from Robert
Robert: You know, they say you should never go to bed mad. Well, I say, it'd be even worse to go the Big Bed mad. Hmm? [Marie looks away] All right, Ma, there's something you should know. And I'm only saying this 'cause I don't wanna see you on the roof.
Quote from Robert
Robert: Come on, you know this fight has gone on long enough. I bet you can't even remember why you were mad at each other in the first place.
Debra: Why? Because your mother is condescending, overbearing, patronizing-
Robert: Okay, the "why's" are not important. But what is important is to remember that life is short. You know how they always say you should never go to bed mad? Well, I say it'd be even worse to go to the "Big Bed" mad. Hmm?
Quote from Lucky Suit
Agent Garfield: Mrs. Barone, you seem like an intelligent woman.
Marie: Thank you. Have a cookie.
Agent Garfield: Do you really think that a mother interfering to the extent that you have could possibly help a man get a job with the FBI? There's something else going on.
Marie: He was supposed to retire! He's a year away from not being a police officer. Which means I could stop worrying about him every second of the day. I want him to be safe. Now he wants to go from one dangerous job to another? How long do I have to walk around with a knot in my stomach? Forever? I can't do it anymore. It's too much. But he wants this job. It'll make him happy. And he should be happy. So, yes, he should have this job. Please, give him this job.
Agent Garfield: I can't do that.
Marie: No. No, don't blame him, you can punish me! Put one of those tracking things on my legs so I can't get out of the house. And if you met my husband, you'd know that's punishment enough.
Quote from Marie's Sculpture
Marie: Raymond, do you see what they see?
Ray: Um... I don't know.
Marie: No, tell me the truth.
Ray: Well... Maybe if I squint a little.
Marie: Oh, my God, I'm a lesbian!
Quote from Pilot
Ray: It's a different fruit every month.
Marie: Every month?
Ray: Yes. Yes. That's why they call it Fruit-of-the-Month Club.
Marie: It's a club? Oh, my God! What do I do with all this fruit?
Ray: Well, most people like it, Ma! You share it. Share it with all your friends.
Marie: Which friends?
Ray: I don't know. Lee and Stan.
Marie: Lee and Stan buy their own fruit.
Ray: Well, give it to-
Marie: Oh, why did you do this to me?
Ray: My God!
Marie: I can't talk. There's too much fruit in the house!