TV Quotes

Debra: What is it, Robert?
Robert: Well, maybe it's just me, but I'm of the opinion that a man should be more concerned about his family's well-being than figuring out a way to get his wife to let him go on a week-long golf retreat to Myrtle Beach.
Debra: What golf retreat?
Robert: Come on, you haven't noticed he's been dropping hints like crazy? Maybe that's because you're too busy running around gassing up his car, drinking wine, and having to... do things because of the wine.
Debra: Robert, all l-
Robert: Wake up, sis! Dad and Raymond have a laundry list of stuff they're trying to get out of you two! They're exploiting the situation, they're playing you two against each other, they're laughing at you, and it's making me sick! But if it doesn't bother you...

Robert: Come on, you know this fight has gone on long enough. I bet you can't even remember why you were mad at each other in the first place.
Debra: Why? Because your mother is condescending, overbearing, patronizing-
Robert: Okay.
Debra: Manipulative.
Robert: Okay, the "why's" are not important. But what is important is to remember that life is short. You know how they always say you should never go to bed mad? Well, I say it'd be even worse to go to the "Big Bed" mad. Hmm?

Robert: [clears throat] Uh, if I may... You mentioned, Father Hubley, that I was not included in that book, and that is a very astute observation. And I do believe that my unique position in this... family, as that of an outsider, allows me to view this hodgepodge of life from a rather unique vantage point.
Ray: Top of a beanstalk?
Robert: And I do maintain that if anyone is to blame, Father, for this river of pent-up hostility that runs through this sorry bunch like you-know-what through a we-know-what... that person goes by the name... of Raymond.
Ray: Oh, sit down, you dope.
Robert: He is and always has been the center... the center of attention, the center of affection, he always gets the center chair in the kitchen. And this anger of which you speak, from the rest of these poor souls, stems from his unwillingness to share even the tiniest portion of the spotlight that shines, without end... on him.

Robert: Now I gotta go through my interview in an unlucky suit.
Marie: Just because you're not wearing your lucky suit doesn't mean that whatever you do wear will be unlucky.
Robert: Look at my life. All my other clothes are unlucky.