Debra: That's why I want to go to counseling. I don't think it's that you're just lazy. I think there's a deeper reason behind this, and if we could just figure it out, you and I could be happier.
Ray: Come on, you know me. There's not much deepness. I just... I like to be taken care of.
Debra: You gotta understand, Ray, that that's not a wife. That's a mother.
Ray: Well, maybe that's what I want!
Frank: Holy crap!

Marie: So that's how you both fell? A race around the house, which you often do as a tradition?
Ray: Uh, yeah.
Frank: Stupid, humped-up termite trap!
[Frank falls through the stairs into the basement]
Marie: Oh, my God! Frank, are you all right?
Frank: [o.s.] Holy crap!
Marie: Don't move, I'm coming right down!
Frank: [o.s.] I'm in enough pain!

Marie: Shame on you, young man!
Ray: Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
Frank: Didn't I teach you anything? You got a problem with your woman, you don't go out and get another woman! Now all you got is two problems!

Ray: She is pretty, though.
Robert: What'd I tell ya?
Ray: Mmm. Way out of my league.
Robert: Mine, too.
Ray: Yeah. You know, it's like neither one of us could've gotten her on our own, but...
Robert: But melded together, we were like a whole other entity. Like a superhero. We were better than just Ray.
Ray: Better than just Robert.
Robert: We were... Raybert.

Ray: Hey! Whoa! Wait a minute. Wait a minute. If she knows my writing, then... then she must know I have a wife.
Robert: Had, had a wife.
Ray: You said I was divorced?
Robert: Widower.
Ray: You killed Debra?
Robert: Had to be done. But don't worry. You stuck by her through a very long illness. You were wonderful. Oh, and just so you know, you never had any children.
Ray: What?!
Robert: I couldn't leave any loose ends.