Debra: Ray, are you gonna sit there all day? Just join the party.
Ray: No, no. It's not right. My mom and her boyfriend.
Debra: I thought you made him gay.
Ray: I'm the only one who knows that. Come on, my dad should be here.
Debra: What is it that you miss the most? The burping, the finger in the frosting, the wiping his mouth on the curtains?
Ray: If you must know, I miss the shirttail out the fly.

Marco: Where's Frank?
Marie: Oh, Frank's not coming.
Marco: Why not?
Marie: He's sick. Swine flu.

Frank: You want a beer?
Marco: Is your wife here?
Frank: Yeah, but she won't bother us. Sit down. Open your pants.
Marie: [enters] Who is it- Oh! Hello, Marco. What a nice surprise.
Marco: Buongiorno.
Frank: Yeah, buongiorno. That's Italian for "beer, Marie!"
Marie: Right away, Frank. Would you like it in a bottle over your head or in a can somewhere else?