Everybody Loves Raymond - Ray Quote #1063
Marie: What else do you feel? Are you achy?
Ray: I don't know.
Marie: Where, in the chest or your legs?
Ray: Both, actually both.
Marie: What about coughing? Are you coughing?
Ray: [coughs] A little bit.
Quote from Marie
Marie: He's such a brave little soldier.
Debra: Soldier? No, he's a hypochondriac. Every time he nicks himself shaving, he wants to call a priest.
Marie: He's a sensitive boy.
Debra: Marie, he's not sick.
Marie: What are you saying, that Raymond is lying to me when he tells me he feels droopy?
Debra: You really think he's sick?
Marie: My son told me that he doesn't feel right, and I love him, and I'm going to take care of him.
Debra: And I don't love him?
Marie: I'm not saying anything.
Debra: All right, Marie. Thank you.
Marie: You know, I understand that you're a young woman of today, what with the women's lib and all that. And you probably think of me as a very old-fashioned, out-of-touch "housewife." And maybe I am, but if someone in my family needs me and wants me to take care of him, I'm there for him. And I'm happy to do it. And now I'm gonna boil my Raymond a chicken.
Quote from Marie
Marie: Raymond, I saw your car. Why aren't you at work?
Ray: I had a doctor appointment.
Marie: You went to the doctor and didn't tell me? Why wasn't I told?
Debra: It's nothing, Marie. The doctor said he's fine.
Ray: He's running tests.
Marie: Tests? What's wrong? Tell me. I have a right to know.
Ray: Some guy sneezed on me.
Marie: What? What guy? Who? Who did this to you?
Ray: Some guy. Some guy at the airport.
Marie: Someone sneezed on you at the airport? You can have anything from anywhere.
Debra: Or you could have nothing.
Marie: Oh, look at this face. Look at the bloodshot eyes, and the yellow skin and the droopy cheeks.
Debra: That's his regular face.
Ray: No no, I have been feeling kind of droopy.
Quote from Debra
Debra: You know what? I'm around germs all the time. The kids bring all kinds of stuff home. I hardly ever get sick.
Ray: Maybe you're a cyborg.
Debra: Maybe, or maybe it's 'cause I'm always in here washing stuff all the time. My hands are always clean.
Ray: Let me wash my hands.
Debra: Yeah, well, you know, honey, you gotta use soap.
Ray: Soap, soap, soap.
Debra: Use the soap there. And scrub really hard, you know, like you're doing a pot.
Debra: Hey, do that pot.
Ray: I don't wash my hands enough. That's the problem.
Debra: Well, that might be the problem. Yeah, that's it. Just get the soap all over that. Hey, as long as long as you are home, why don't you take the kids to their play date?
Ray: Yeah, yeah, let me just finish this.
Debra: Okay, take your time.
Quote from Counseling
Debra: That's why I want to go to counseling. I don't think it's that you're just lazy. I think there's a deeper reason behind this, and if we could just figure it out, you and I could be happier.
Ray: Come on, you know me. There's not much deepness. I just... I like to be taken care of.
Debra: You gotta understand, Ray, that that's not a wife. That's a mother.
Ray: Well, maybe that's what I want!
Frank: Holy crap!
Quote from The Ingrate
Debra: You have to admit, you're not the most professorial kind of guy.
Ray: I can be exceedingly professorial.
Debra: No, I know. I was just remembering that time you read the word "stohma-cha-chuh."
Ray: What's your point?
Debra: You read "stohma-cha-chuh." And the word really is...
Debra: I am just teasing you.
Ray: Yeah, right.
Debra: No, come on. Kiss me again. For once, I don't have a "head-ah-cha-chuh."
Quote from The Plan
Robert: What do you want me to say? I need to do the wedding invitations. Amy wants me to do it, so I'm doing it. Come on, help me.
Ray: All right. Here's what you do: You- You write a version of the invitation, but you do a horrible job. Okay? She'll see it, do it herself, and never ask you to do anything else with this wedding. You're welcome.
Robert: But it's terrible, Raymond. I'm not gonna intentionally screw it up just to get out of the work.
Frank: Hey, dummy, listen to your stupid brother.
Ray: Look, look. When we got engaged, Debra put me in charge of the music. Okay. So I found a DJ. She wanted a band. So I found a band. She didn't like the band, so I found another band. Nope! The truth is, she wanted to do it, but she just got it in her head that I should be part of this whole wedding experience. So you know what I did? I sent over this guy who sang and played the accordion. He had a keyboard with violins and trumpets and drum noises. His name was "Zippers, the One-Man Wedding Band." Next thing you know, she tells me, "Never mind, she'll take care of the music." I sat down, turned on the TV and never looked back.
Frank: That's a beautiful story.