Marie: What is a DVD player?
Ray: Come on, not now, Ma, please.
Marie: Is it for pornography?
Debra: Yes, Marie, I got Ray a porn machine.
Marie: I don't like that, Debra.

Frank: So what are you so upset about? Sounds like Mr. Muscle here is saving you some prep work.
Marie: I don't like that, Frank. And I have to say, Raymond, I think that Debra is playing a very dangerous game.
Frank: Oh, what are you talking about? Who cares where she gets her appetite as long as she has her meal at home?
Ray: Stop, stop!
Marie: Raymond. Raymond, you have to get Debra out of this class right now.
Frank: Why? This guy is helping out! Maybe Ray doesn't have what it takes to get Debra's motor running.
Marie: Raymond's got plenty!
Ray: Thank you! Mom! Huh! [exits]

Frank: Let me tell you something, when I came back from Korea, I had no money, no skills. Sure I was good with a bayonet. But you can't put that in a resume, it puts people off. I had nothing!
Ray: You had Mom. [Frank shrugs] Sorry.
Frank: I worked in a restaurant, a meatpacking plant, a bowling alley, and they all ended the same way with the same lame-ass excuse: "Broke too many dishes", "Too slow with the giblets", "I'm sorry, you've been replaced by a machine that rolls the ball back."
Ray: You were an accountant.
Frank: Yeah, by the time you came along, I was an accountant. Not even an accountant, bookkeeper.
Ray: So? So what? That's a good career.
Frank: That's a job! You think I liked it? Sitting there all day? And then the traffic, the idiots. That is life. And you've got to be tough. I tried to show you that.

Marie: Talk dirty to your father.
Ray: What?!
Marie: Say ass.
Ray: Mom, come on.
Frank: Come on, Ray, you're gonna talk some more trash to me?
Ray: No, I don't know. I'm distracted by the shine off your scalp. [Robert & Marie laugh]
Marie: That's good one, Raymond. 'Cause you're bald.

Marie: Raymond, I just want you to know that your father is a very sore looser. But when he wins, he's a gloating moron. Here, I brought you some lasagna for strength.