Ray: Listen, the reason I called the paper...
Robert: The reason, Raymond? I think I know the reason. It's called self-promotion.
Ray: What? No.
Robert: What's the matter, Raymond, huh? Sports section isn't enough anymore?
Ray: Oh, come on.
Robert: You have to be all over the paper. Why don't you hop on the subway, make the travel section?
Ray: All right. Come on.
Robert: How about the food section: "Newsday's own Ray Barone enjoys salami sandwich." I'll tell you what.
I'll give you change for $1. You can make the financial pages: "Ray Barone converts paper into coin."
Ray: Are you through?
Robert: Yes. Unless you're gonna be changing your clothes today. Fashion pages!

Ray: Why are you doing that to him?
Frank: Do what?
Ray: You act like it's nothing, what he does. He stopped an armed robbery last night. I didn't do anything. I had to throw up.
Marie: You threw up? You should have some dry toast.
Ray: Will you stop? Robert's the one you should be worried about. Are you listening to me, Ma? He's the one who's out there every day. He's the one who's risking his life.
Marie: I know what he does! I don't need to think about it.
Ray: Okay. I just wanted you to know.
Frank: Enough! Your mother doesn't like to think about it. Now you made me forget. What is it, oatmeal or eggs, Marie? Let's go!

Marie: Frank, what are you doing? Close the refrigerator. Put that on a plate.
Frank: I don't want a plate. I just want a couple of bites.
Marie: That's disgusting, sticking your fork in there. Now nobody else can eat it.
Frank: That's all it takes? This fork was in the ice cream, too.
Marie: [to Ray] Hi, dear. You hungry? I'm sorry, I can't offer you lasagna or ice cream.
Frank: Or chocolate cake.
Marie: He's like an animal, marking his territory. [Frank grabs Marie's behind] Hey!
Frank: Come on. That was a compliment.
Ray: God, I wish this was the wrong house.