Debra: That's why I want to go to counseling. I don't think it's that you're just lazy. I think there's a deeper reason behind this, and if we could just figure it out, you and I could be happier.
Ray: Come on, you know me. There's not much deepness. I just... I like to be taken care of.
Debra: You gotta understand, Ray, that that's not a wife. That's a mother.
Ray: Well, maybe that's what I want!
Frank: Holy crap!

Marie: So that's how you both fell? A race around the house, which you often do as a tradition?
Ray: Uh, yeah.
Frank: Stupid, humped-up termite trap!
[Frank falls through the stairs into the basement]
Marie: Oh, my God! Frank, are you all right?
Frank: [o.s.] Holy crap!
Marie: Don't move, I'm coming right down!
Frank: [o.s.] I'm in enough pain!

Marie: Listen, I know this has been hard on you, honey. And you're doing everything you can for Raymond. But maybe the way you can help him relax is very simple.
Debra: What do you mean?
Marie: Well, I couldn't help wondering, dear, are you making yourself available to him? You know what I'm talking about?
Debra: Please, Marie!
Marie: Listen, you know Raymond doesn't like to ask for things.
Debra: Do we have to talk about this?
Marie: I'm just trying to help.
Debra: You know, I didn't say anything when you told me how Ray liked his underwear folded, but this is over the line.
Marie: Well, I'm sorry, but Raymond needs your help. Debra, you... Have a glass of wine first!

Doctor Sundram: Ray, your mind is like, for lack of a better word, a donkey. You can only throw so many bags on its back before it lies down and won't get up.
Ray: Right.
Doctor Sundram: Right. So you've got to relieve some of that stress. Do things that relax you. What do you enjoy doing?
Ray: Well, I like to golf.
Doctor Sundram: Well, then, by all means, get out there and play as much golf as you can.
Ray: Well, wait a minute. Wait. That's where this episode happened.
Doctor Sundram: Oh, that could have happened anywhere. You've been on the road a lot. You got a wife, three kids, parents across the street. This was a long time coming. Play some golf.
Ray: So I have to go home, and tell my wife that I need to play more golf?
Doctor Sundram: Doctor's orders.
Ray: Okay. Let me ask you, would I see a podiatrist or a proctologist to get a foot removed from my ass? [chuckles]

Ray: No, I can't tell Debra I want to go golfing now. I just got back from five days on the road.
Kevin: Just see what she says, Ray.
Ray: No. I'll get in trouble just for asking. I'm not even going to try. You know what we could do? If you ask me in front of her, as if you're asking me for the first time, right? And then I'll turn you down. She'll think that I'm "being thoughtful," you know? And then we just hope Santa takes the cookies.