Peter: Good day, fair Barones... on this festival of thanks and givingness. [silence]

Robert: So, did you hear about your mom and my brother? They had a real heart-to-heart talk last night.
Peter: Oh, yeah?
Robert: Oh, yeah. Apparently, into the wee hours. They bonded over your Sacred Death puzzle.
Peter: What?! Mama!
Pat: Peter, are you all right?
Peter: No! What were you doing touching my Sacred Death puzzle?
Pat: I'm sorry, Peter. It is not supposed to be taken out of its box! It's a collector's item! Correction, it was a collector's item! How am I supposed to explain this at the convention? "I'm sorry. It's only been used by my mom!"
Robert: Raymond bit off a piece just to make it fit.
Pat: Agh! This is what happens when you touch my things! This is why you are not supposed to touch my things!

Ray: Well, uh so how's it going with the ladies? I mean, now that you got this awesome bachelor pad?
Peter: Well, I don't know. To be honest with you, Ray, when it comes to the ladies, I have rather high standards.
Ray: You do?
Peter: Yes, I do. You see, I'm a DC Comics man, and if the woman is into Marvel, well, then it's "See ya!" Oh, who am I kidding? Women hate me.

Peter: You know something, Ray? When I first moved here, I said, "Okay, I am tired of being Mr. Lonely Jeans." So I went down to that bar down the street, and there were women there, and I sat for, like, two hours, and I finally force myself to go up to somebody and say, "Hey, how are you doing?" And she said, "Um, fine." And then the woman turned to her friends and said, "But I'm not desperate." And I just, you know, stood there while they laughed. And then I just I walked home.

Peter: So, um... Hi. You're a scienceficionado as well, huh?
Peggy: Yeah, well, more so in college. But I did just finish reading "Double Star" by Robert Heinlein. Do you know him?
Peter: I have a statue of him.
Peggy: Ah. Well, I certainly enjoyed the book. I'm Peggy.

Peter: So how ya doin'?
Robert: I'm doin' great. This is nice. It's nice to have all these friends here.
Peter: Yeah. So, uh, Amy told me that Ray threw you another one of these parties last week. Like, uh, a really bad one, huh?
Robert: Yeah, yeah. The decoy.
Peter: Oh. Oh, that was a decoy. Jeez, you know, now I'm confused because, um, I had heard that because of that one, Amy, Debra, and your mom forced Ray into throwing this one. Yeah. No, I mean, Amy begged us to come, but, um... Hey, it turned out great, right? Look, everyone's having a blast. Jeez, your brother must really love you there... Woody.

Amy: And, Peter, coming all the way from Pennsylvania just to help us move a couch.
Peter: Hey, any day out of Mom and Dad's house is a good day. And you know what? Everyone on the bus really loved my harmonica. They clapped when I got off.

Peter: Mama, what's taking so long? I've been sitting in the van. So what's the story? Are we bringing Amy back to Pennsylvania, or what? [Amy goes off to her room]
Hank: Amy.
Peter: Hey, Ray. What's up, man?

Peter: Okay, so we're simpatico, all right? So that's why you and me are gonna break up this wedding.
Wait a minute.
Ray: Look, I think you got the wrong idea there, Peter, okay? I'm not for breaking up Robert and Amy's wedding.
Peter: I thought we were friends.
Ray: Yeah, but friends can disagree.
Peter: No, they can't.
Ray: But you just disagreed with me right there.
Peter: I- Oh, aha. Uh-huh. Oh, you are crafty. Uh-huh. Ah, how I misjudged you.
Ray: All right, come on, Peter.
Peter: No, no. Let me tell you something, Mr. Baro-nay. I don't need your help breaking up this wedding. Your weirdo family's done most of that work for me. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a job to finish.

Pat: Amy, please come home. We'll make peanut brittle.
Peter: Here, Mama, let me try. Hey, sissy, it's Petey. Why don't you come on out, and we'll have a little talk, just you and me in the van?