Marie: What's going on here?
Frank: Yes, this is unseemly.
Amy: I don't understand. Did we offend you somehow?
Robert: I think I can explain, Amy. You see, they're jealous.
Amy: What? Why?
Robert: Because we are happy.
Ray: Oh, give me a break.

Debra: Yeah, and don't give us any more books like "Marriage is a Circus: Embrace Your Clown."
Amy: I didn't mean to upset you with that.
Marie: What book?
Amy: It's a marriage guide. In fact, Marie, I got you and Frank one.
Marie: I don't understand. Why would you get us a marriage book?
Frank: Yeah, I'm not interested in that subject.
Amy: I just thought you might find it useful.
Marie: You're giving us advice about marriage?
Ray: That's what they do, Ma.
Amy: I'm just trying to be helpful.
Robert: These may not be the people to help.

Debra: So you were trying to do something for our marriage?
Ray: Yep. You know, I'm going to call him and tell him how it went.
Debra: No, no, no. Listen, l-I didn't realize. Come on. Let's try again.
Ray: What?
Debra: Yeah, come on. Why not? I thought you were trying to have sex or something, but this is nice.
Ray: Yeah?
Debra: Yeah.
Ray: Yeah, and this I can do a long time.

Ray: Just, uh, one thing: Would you mind not scrunching it?
Debra: What?
Ray: Yeah, I forgot, you have this way of lining up my knuckles and kind of grinding them.
Debra: Oh. Sorry.
Ray: That's all right. That's probably why I don't hold hands more.
Debra: That's not why.
Ray: Yes. Yes, it is. That's why. The terrible pain.
Debra: Well, I mean, give me something. Your hand's just laying there.
Ray: What do you mean, "Just laying there"?
Debra: This is not holding hands. This is laying it on there.
Ray: Maybe my hand's afraid of you, so it's playing dead.
Debra: Well, if anything, I'm trying to give it CPR, Mr. Cadaver Hand.

Ray: All right, see? See? I knew this wouldn't work. There's no point in doing something like this. You know why? Because you actually like being mad at me.
Debra: What?!
Ray: Yes, you do. It's fun for you, or something. You actually prefer it that way.
Debra: Oh, I don't believe you!
Ray: See? You're mad, just like you like.
Debra: Ray, if I'm mad it's not because I enjoy it.
Ray: Well, why then?
Debra: Because for the first time in 10 years you hold my hand, but it's only because you want to prove your brother wrong. And then you say I'm grinding it up because I enjoy being mad. Forget it, forget it. Everything is fine, and you are perfect. Who's Robert to give you advice? You don't need advice from anybody.

Ray: Deb.
Debra: I said forget it.
Ray: No, look. Look, I'm sorry, okay? That wasn't the only reason I did it, just to prove Robert wrong. I- I also did it to help our marriage. Okay? 'Cause we have a good healthy marriage that I'm very much into. Very much.
Debra: You can stop now.
Ray: Oh, come on. Come on. You know you still love Mr. Cadaver McFloppyhand.
Debra: Stop it.
Ray: Come on. Come on. Hold my flipper.

Debra: Do you care about me at all?
Ray: What? Yes, of course, I care about you. It's Robert. Okay? I don't need Robert seeing you like this tomorrow at his three-month jubilee going, "Trouble in paradise?"
Debra: No, this is not Robert's fault. This is your fault, but you don't want to take responsibility for anything. It's the same old story.
Ray: No, stop. Wait a minute. Let me say one thing: Okay, just... Could we make up for tomorrow night?
Debra: Why?
Ray: Because Robert thinks he has a better marriage than me.
Debra: So why don't you work on your marriage?
Ray: Okay, but this thing is tomorrow night, and I'm golfing in the morning, so just... Look please for now, just for now, could we just pretend that we made up? You know, my mother's going to be there.
Debra: So?
Ray: So comparing you to Amy. Comparing your marriage to Amy's marriage. Comparing the new wife to the... your marriage. Doing a wife-to-wife comparison. You might want to think about it.
Debra: You're on your own.

Ray: Debra, listen. Look, I know... I know this is going to sound whatever. I'm really sorry about last night, okay? I- I screwed up. I just... It was totally my fault, and you were right to feel whatever you were feeling, and just I'm sorry, honey. I love you.
Debra: Nice try.

Frank: You two are late. People are hungry.
Debra: Sorry, it's kind of hard to get out of the house. You know, the kids.
Marie: Because of that babysitter, isn't it? I mean, the one who wears those rock-and-roll T-shirts. I wouldn't want to be left alone with her.
Frank: Speak for yourself.

Marie: In those days, it only cost 50c to see a movie.
Frank: And you've got two movies, a newsreel, and a stage show. Your mother had to keep it shut for five hours.