Debra: Can I ask you something, Ray? What will it take for you to get involved in something, hmm? I mean, the Neighborhood Watch didn't do it for you. The church carnival wasn't for you. You said, "The Lord doesn't need me to sit in a dunking booth." And now even your children's education isn't enough. So I was just wondering, when will something be important enough for you to take a stand?

Debra: Come on, guys. We're not snorkeling, we're eating, okay? Stop. Don't play with your food. [Ray enters] Oh, good. Get in there. Ally needs help with her homework. [Ray turns around to leave] Hey! Hey! Get back in here! Ray, come on. It's either help Ally or give the twins their bath.
Ray: All right. Come here, guys. Let me look at you. What, did you strike oil? Okay, I'll do Ally.

Ray: Hey, Popeye. You look like you're doin' pretty good here. You don't need my help, do you?
Ally: Yes, I do.
Ray: Okay, all right. Don't worry. Daddy's here to help you.
Ally: Mommy says no TV during homework.
Ray: Don't worry about Mommy.
Debra: [o.s.] Turn it off, Ray.
Ray: All right, let's see. What do you got?
Ally: I have to answer all these questions about Abraham Lincoln.
Ray: Okay.
Ally: I have to do these three worksheets on fractions.
Ray: All right.
Ally: And I have to make a diorama of a marine ecosystem.
Ray: Baths. I'll do the baths. I'm gonna do the baths.
Debra: Too late.

Debra: You know, your concern for Ally is truly heartwarming, but this is what Miss Purcell gives them.
Ray: Miss Purcell, yeah. I know the type. "My life is miserable, children, so guess what I'm takin' you down with me!"
Debra: You know, if you have a problem with this woman, then maybe you should talk to her.
Ray: Maybe I will. Maybe I will do exactly that.
Debra: Good. Tuesday is Open School Night.
Ray: What?
Debra: The perfect opportunity for you to give Miss Purcell a piece of that huge mind you've got.
Ray: Miss Purcell. Miss Pur-smell.

Miss Purcell: I wanted to let everyone know that our next class project is going to be a large three-dimensional mural. We'll assemble it in early December so that each child can work on their section over the Thanksgiving break.
Ray: Oh, my God. Thanksgiving. It's like she hates America.
Man: Did you get stuck making that ocean crap, too?
Ray: Yeah.
Man: This one's mine.
Ray: That's pretty good. What'd you use for shrimp?
Man: Shrimp.
Ray: Ha ha. Tomorrow that's not gonna be too pleasant.
Man: A little time bomb for Miss Purcell.

Ray: Hey, don't you think the kids just get too much homework?
Woman #1: You are so right! Linda's been up past 10 every night.
Woman #2: It's out of control. We never used to get this much homework.
Ray: You see, Debra? It's not just me! Talk to my wife.
Woman #2: I thought it was just me. Billy's been so swamped I had to cancel cello and Latin.
Ray: That's terrible. Those are good things!
Woman #1: Does Miss Purcell even know what she's doing to us?
Ray: You know, I think maybe somebody should definitely speak up.

Miss Purcell: Is everything okay?
Ray: [gulps]
Debra: Go ahead, Ray.
Ray: No, no, no. It's nothing, it's just, um, some of the people were thinking that maybe there's a little too much homework you know, for the kids. Everybody's kids. Maybe.
Miss Purcell: Well, it's what the district thinks is necessary for the children to keep pace with the curriculum.
Ray: Oh, curriculum. Curriculum.
Miss Purcell: You know, we have a meeting Monday with the curriculum review board, and they always welcome input from parents. [all the other parents back away from Ray]
Ray: Okay, uh well, good luck with that. [Debra grabs Ray]
Debra: You know what? I think Ray would be a perfect spokesman for us.
Man: Hey, I second that!
Ray: No, no, no, no. A spokesman should be a guy who's not afraid of public speaking. I'm... I'm wetting myself now.

Miss Purcell: We could really use you. If we're going to reduce the fifth-grade workload, we're going to have to tell them what to cut.
Ray: You keep sayin' "we." I'm quite a busy fellow.
Miss Purcell: Well, you have almost a week. We just need you to read through the current curriculum and figure out where you feel it's redundant. I can't tell you how valuable your input is going to be.
Ray: But you see, I'm not a teacher, I'm not...
Miss Purcell: When the teachers bring this up, the board just thinks we're trying to get out of work. But they know that's not true when it comes from a parent. [smiles]

Frank: What's goin' on in there?
Marie: What's the matter, Frank?
Frank: Oh. I thought you were eating that last piece of pie.
Marie: I'm helping Raymond with his school project.
Frank: All right, then. I'm gonna eat that pie so I know where it is.

Marie: Raymond, pay attention. Why don't we start with literature and reading comprehension guidelines, okay? "Based on the readings of Mark Twain's 'Tom Sawyer,' which of the following would you recommend for fifth-grade homework, and why? A) a book report, including cover art and illustrations...
Ray: [tries to grab some of Frank's pie] Agh!
Marie: B) an oral report using period music and costumes, C) a craft project based on the pre-lndustrial Mississippi, and/or D) a fictional diary on one of the characters?" Raymond!
Ray: Ow! What's wrong with you?!
Frank: I like pie.
Marie: Raymond! Pay attention. I'm gonna read you this again.
Ray: No, not again, all right? I heard it already. How about we don't make the kids read "Tom Sawyer"?
Marie: What?! It's an American classic.
Ray: All right, then I say "A."
Marie: Good. Why?
Ray: "B."
Marie: Raymond, don't play games with me.