Pete: I thought Ray Barone died in a car wreck right after graduation. [murmurs of agreement]
Ray: No! That was Jay Malone.
Pete: Oh, Jay Malone, yeah. Now, he was a great guy. Here's to Jay. Wish you were here.

Ray: All right.
Debra: What?
Ray: Enough booty.
Debra: That was so much fun. I just love dancing, you know?
Ray: This is just in: disco sucks.

Debra: What, you didn't have a good time? Your friends are great.
Ray: Those people aren't my friends.
Debra: Who? Pete, Jessica, Chris, Steve, Wendy, and Jodie? What's wrong with them?
Ray: What's wrong with them? They used to throw me into the girls' room.
Debra: Well, they're very nice now.
Ray: Yeah, to you.
Debra: What?
Ray: To you, they're nice. You're one of them.
Debra: What do you mean, I'm one of them?
Ray: You know. Popular.

Debra: Ray, what's the matter? Are you mad at me for having a good time? You could've had a good time. I asked you to dance.
Ray: I don't like dancing.
Debra: Yeah, but I do.
Ray: Yeah, I know that. I know. The whole class of '77 knows that.
Debra: Well, forgive me, but I'm not afraid to have a little bit of fun.
Ray: What a snobby, shallow, superficial, popular thing to say.

Debra: Okay, I'm trying to understand this. You didn't like our table. Where did you want to sit?
Ray: On our couch at home.
Debra: And you're wondering why you weren't one of the popular kids. Ray, this is why I wanted to go to your reunion 'cause you never want to go anywhere.
Ray: Well, you know something? There's something really wrong with somebody who has to be popular at somebody else's reunion.
Debra: You are such a nerd.
Ray: Ah-ha! Ah-ha! I knew it. You think I'm a nerd. Yeah? You know what you are? A cheerleader.
Debra: Oh, go put in your retainer! God!
Ray: I'm going to bed. Or, here, let me translate that for you. Give me a "B!" Give me an "E!" Give me a "D!" What's that spell? What's that spell?!

Ray: Hey. Hey, no MTV in this house. What are you- Give me that. Here. Popeye. Popeye's great.
Ally: Nobody likes Popeye.
Ray: Why? 'Cause he's not cool? Maybe you don't know Popeye. Don't be so quick to judge. "Nobody likes Popeye." Till Bluto's got you in a headlock. Then what? Guy hangs out with Wimpy and... Never mind.

Ray: Monster tattoo. Just wanted to see what it looked like. That's not nerdy.
Debra: I didn't say a thing. Listen, I washed your gym stuff. Your nose plugs went through the dryer.
Ray: Dr. Sundram said I have to wear those to prevent infections in my Eustachian tube.
Debra: Yes, Ray. We all know you have sensitive tubes.
Ray: What's the matter? It's not cool enough for you? What's a big medical problem with you? Ruptured booty?
Debra: No, I've never ruptured my booty. One time, I did sprain my groove thang.

Debra: Listen, a lot of people at the reunion asked about you.
Robert: Oh, yeah?
Debra: Remember Jessica Bell?
Robert: Ah, Little Jessica. Used to follow me around. Good kid.
Debra: You know, I think she liked you.
Robert: Yeah? Her friends asked my friends to ask me to ask her out.
Ray: You went out with Jessica Bell?
Robert: No, no. She was a freshman. That would've been like me hanging out with... you.

Debra: Sorry, Robert. Ray's a little cranky this morning. He was up too late watching everybody else have fun.
Ray: I wasn't watching people have fun, all right? I was keeping an eye on the purses.
Robert: Pulling some nerd duty?
Debra: Come on now, Robert, Ray's as cool as any guy with a stick-on tattoo and nose plugs.
Robert: [laughs] Nose plugs.
Ray: Hey, some of us aren't in high school. We've moved on, okay? Let me ask you, does a nerdy guy go on the road with the New York Knicks?
Robert: Well, it depends if they need somebody to watch the purses.

Ray: I don't care what you guys think, okay? I know what I am.
Marie: [enters] Raymond, I got something for you to try on.
Ray: What?
Marie: I saw these in the catalog, and I thought they looked jazzy.
Debra: Hey, Ray, that's great. Your mom bought you some short pants.
Robert: [camp voice] Very jazzy.
Ray: Look, Mom, I'm not wearing these pants, okay?
Marie: Why not? They're very with-it.
Debra: Ray, if the shorts fit.
Ray: Yeah, you know what? Maybe the shorts do fit.
Marie: What's the matter with you? You were very happy when I bought you those pajamas.