Marie: Frank, you took all my books. Where are all my books?
Frank: You never look at those.
Marie: Oh! My high-school yearbook, Frank? I want this.
Frank: Well, I don't want it in the house. It's depressing.
Marie: What are you talking about? I look beautiful in those pictures.
Frank: That's what's depressing.

Frank: Ray, you want to watch the game?
Ray: What are you doing, everybody? Debra's gonna be... Okay. I'm gonna ask you to quickly and quietly move to your nearest exits!
Frank: It's the fourth quarter.
Ray: Dad, please. Buckle up and go!
Marie: You know, when somebody does you a favor, you're supposed to say, "Thank you."
Ray: Thank you, Mom and Dad. You're wonderful grandparents. You're not evil at all.
Frank: Let me just smell their heads once more.
Ray: Dad, please.
Frank: It's the fountain of youth. I'm sucking in that youth.
Ray: I'm begging you, Dad, let go of their heads. I'll give you money. Do you want the money?
Frank: Hey, save your money. You're gonna need it. Victoria's not a secret anymore.

Frank: Don't look at me like that. You cannot judge me until you've walked in my shoes.
Ray: That brings up an interesting point, Dad. What size shoes would those be? About a 12, right?
Frank: So what?
Ray: Robert, when you were 11, what sizes galoshes did you wear?
Robert: Twelve. [all look at Frank]
Frank: No more games! [exits]
Marie: Don't worry. When I move in here, we'll play games all the time.

Marie: Wait till you see these toys I got for that dog.
Frank: I already bought him some today.
Marie: Yeah? Did you get him the chewy phone?
Frank: Those phones are a waste of money. I got him the squeaky hydrant.
Marie: Please. There's no comparison.
Frank: You know nothing about dogs. Look at this. [chews toy] Fun. This is fun.
Marie: Oh, please. Come on. Let go of that. [Frank growls]
Ray: Maybe he needs to go out.

All: Surprise!
Marie: Look, Frank, a party!
Frank: Holy crap!

Frank: Do you dust too, with a little feather duster, Nancy?
Ray: You know, Dad, sometimes when you talk like that people could get offended.
Frank: Offended by what?
Ray: Nothing. Nothing. Forget about it.
Frank: What?
Ray: Nothing, it's just when you say Nancy, what are you implying exactly?
Frank: That your name should be Nancy.
Ray: And when you say Nancy, that's your word for gay?
Frank: Very well.
Ray: And you mean that as an insult?
Frank: Yes, I believe I do.
Ray: Well, that's not nice.
Frank: That's why it's a good insult.
Ray: No, I mean, that's not nice to gay people.
Frank: You're right. I'm sorry... Mary.

[flashback:]
Marie: Father Hubley, did you know that Debra and Raymond have been dating for a few months now?
Ray: Maybe this is a bad time, I don't think we have enough lasagna.
Frank: Hey, Ray's right. We may be in trouble here. Because, with all due respect, Father, I saw what you did to that cheesecake at the church bake sale.

Marie: What are those, doughnuts?
Frank: Get lost.
Marie: You better save one for Robbie. He's coming over.
Frank: Oh, great. Mopey Dick.

Robert: Hey. What's up, bro?
Ray: Well, bro, word has it you're going to Vegas.
Robert: Yep. I'm hopping on the big silver bird at 8:45 tomorrow. By 1:45, the Emperor's Buffet at Caesars Palace shrimp, tacos, waffles and turkey legs!
Frank: And, hey, while you're in Vegas, you can pick up Ray's "Sucker of the Year" award.

Hank: Hello, Raymond.
Ray: Oh, hey. Hi, Hank.
Frank: Well, if it isn't Hickory and Dickory.
Hank: Hello, Frank.
Frank: Hello, Hickory!
Ray: Dad. come on.