Debra: Here I thought it'd be so nice, all the Barone men working together.
Robert: No one works with Dad, you work for him.
Ray: 'Cause nobody can do anything right except him.
Robert: Yeah, remember the fort?
Ray: That's right. Robert and I were building a fort in our backyard nothing fancy, just this little fort. Yeah, just a place we could read our comic books and... other periodicals.
Debra: Ugh!
Robert: And we were having fun too, building the fort all by ourselves, right? Till Dad came home and told us we were doing it all wrong.
Ray: Yeah. Didn't show us how to do it right, just called us stupid, stinking humps and did it himself. That's why when you get mad that I'm not the handiest guy around here, you know, it brings up a lot of stuff.
Debra: I'm sorry. So it has nothing to do with you being lazy and watching TV all the time?
Ray: That's how I cover the hurt.

Marie: Your father never retired from Pelk Accounting.
Ray: What are you talking about?
Robert: If he's not retired, why does he buy his pants at the pharmacy?
Marie: He told me he retired, but I found out the truth. They fired him.
Ray: What? Why?
Marie: Why? I have to tell you? Why did you fire him? Your father believes that his way of doing things is the only way. And after 25 years, it starts to get on people's nerves.
Debra: So Frank never told you he was fired?
Marie: How could he? You don't understand, Debra. In my generation, the men had their jobs and that's who they were. Oh, it must have been so humiliating for Frank to have that little Alvin Pelk fire him from his job. And now you boys just did the same thing to him!
Robert: It was Raymond.

Ray: What are you doing?
Debra: Getting the kids ready for school.
Ray: What are you talking about? It's Saturday.
Debra: Oh, my God. It is Saturday. Because yesterday was Friday.
Ray: Very good. [chuckles] You don't know the days.
Debra: Ooh, an extra hour of sleep. Mmm, mmm, mmm.
Ray: Minus five minutes of heaven.

Marie: Well, look who finally decided to get out of bed?
Ray: Ma!
Debra: It's 7:30, Marie.
Marie: Well, Debra, I was coming over here with french toast for Frank, and then I noticed that your children were starving.
Kids: Yay! French toast!

Ray: What are you doing?
Robert: Painting your house.
Ray: Oh, come on! You too?
Robert: Ma said we had to.
Ray: So, you do everything Ma tells you?
Robert: It's a little late for rebellion, Raymond.
Ray: Come on, look. I don't need both you guys hanging off my house, okay? So go back in your truck, ring a bell and sell some fudge pops.

Marie: You know what? Maybe all three of you can paint it together? Wouldn't that be nice?
Ray: No. No, look, it's Saturday, and I got a lot of Saturday things planned, okay?
[Ray takes his French toast into the living room and sits down on the couch with the kids]
Ray: Hey, Bugs Bunny! Hey! Oh, what is this? Duck season/rabbit season? [chuckles] Oh, look out, look out.
[As Ray notices Debra, Marie and Robert staring at him, he raises his hand to his face to block them out of sight]
Marie: Raymond? [Ray raises a second hand] Raymond?
Ray: What?
Debra: So you're fine with them painting your house?
Ray: It's Saturday. [groans] All right! Sorry, kids. Guess Daddy isn't going to be able to spend any more quality time with you.

Ray: Whoa, wait a minute, Dad. You got the wrong color. Debra wanted white.
Frank: This is close.
Ray: It's not close, it's yellow. Okay, she wants white. She said Chantilly Lace.
Frank: Well, this is Lemon Meringue.
Ray: Well, why did you get yellow?
Frank: Because yellow is better.
Ray: Yeah, but Debra likes white.
Frank: Well, I don't care what Debra likes, and I don't care what you like! It's yellow, okay?! And we're doing it yellow!

Ray: Listen, Dad, I got to tell you. It's not only Debra, okay? I want Chantilly Lace too. Dad, do you hear what I'm saying?! Don't paint my house yellow. Dad! Don't you open that paint can! Dad, you're not listening to me. [Frank sniffs the paint] Dad, don't you stir that paint. If you stir that paint- Okay, you're just going to have to return stirred paint now. And now that the can's open, you're going to have to pay for it, okay? 'Cause I'm sure as hell not paying for no Lemon Meringue. You hear me? I'm- Oh no, you don't! Don't you go near that! You hear me, Dad?! Don't you- Don't you dip that brush! You do not dip that brush. I'm warning you. Dad, don't- Oh, Dad, if I see paint on that brush, Okay, that's yellow. That's yellow. Dad, don't you paint my house yellow! Do you hear me, Dad?! Dad, I'm warning you! Okay, all right. That's it.
Frank: Hey!
Ray: That's it, go home.
Frank: Excuse me?!
Ray: Look, if you're not going to do what I want, then go home.
Frank: You don't tell me what to do.
Ray: I do when it's my house! And it's my house and I'm the boss, okay? So you're fired.

Frank: Hey, get a load of this, Robert. Raymond says I'm fired!
Ray: That's right, you're fired!
Robert: You fired him? You want to fire me?
Frank: You can't fire me!
Ray: Look, Dad, I'm not a kid anymore, okay? I don't like the way you treat me and I don't like the way you treat the help either, so that's it.
Frank: Fine! Paint your own damn house.
Robert: Wow.
Ray: That's right. Now I'm in charge of this now. Okay, and the first thing we're going to do lunch.
Robert: Yeah, but it's only 9:30-
Ray: Lunch! Hey, you can't come in like that, you're soaking wet.

Marie: Hello, dear.
Robert: Hiya, Ma. [Marie slaps Robert on the back of the head] Ow! What are you doing?!
Marie: This is how you watch out for your father?
Robert: What did I do?!
Marie: You made him carry ladders around!
Ray: He didn't carry ladders.
Marie: Then how did he wrench his back?
Robert: What?!
Marie: He wrenched his back carrying ladders. Now he's lying on my couch demanding soup. And don't tell him I told you about this. He didn't want me to make a big deal out of it.
Robert: So why are you over here?
Marie: I don't listen to him.