Ray: Look, you're up. You're feeling better.
Debra: No. I just got worried about you down here unsupervised.

Debra: Ray, your mom's here.
Ray: I thought she could come by and help with the kids while I'm at my big meeting. Wasn't that a good idea?
Debra: Yeah. I have an idea. How about if I bite your nose really hard?
Ray: That's the NyQuil talking.

Ray: Oh, my Terry Bradshaw meeting! I can't just blow him off.
Marie: Who's that?
Ray: The football player. He's very famous. He's in the Hall of Fame. He won four Super Bowls.
Marie: I never heard of him.

Debra: Would you just call Hammond?
Ray: Hammond?
Debra: Dr. Hammond, the kids' doctor.
Ray: Right, Dr. Hammond. The guy with the good lollipop. I'll call him.
Debra: Yeah. His number's in the book, honey.
Ray: All right.
Debra: In the kitchen. In the drawer. By the refrigerator.
Ray: There, you got nothing now.

Dr. Hammond: Ally, honey, I'm going to take a look in your ears now, okay? Can you hold her for me?
Ray: Yeah. [Ally cries] It's all right, now. Doctor's making me do this. This is the doctor's fault, okay? Daddy is still a great man.

Ray: Okay, I'm back with all the right children.
Debra: How are the kids?
Ally: Daddy said we could watch TV until we get better.
Ray: Dr. Hammond said they'll be fine in about 24 hours. And he was amazed at how identical these twins are. [Marie and Debra laugh] You know, if they ever need x-rays, I bet we only have to bring in one. It was an honest mistake.
Robert: Yeah, like father knows best.
Frank: He brought the wrong kid.
Ray: I know. I now.
Frank: Well, I never mixed up you and Robert.
Robert: Yes, you did, Dad.
Frank: Oh, right.

Debra: What are you, out of your mind? You're gonna pass this up?
Ray: What are you talking about? I'm here. I'm helping you with the kids, with the medicine. All right, not the medicine.
Debra: Get Terry back on the phone before he hires somebody else.
Ray: Is this a test? Yeah. Yeah. This is like the time you told me I could go to Bernie's bachelor party.
Debra: It's not like Terry Bradshaw is going to give you a lap dance, Ray.
Ray: What are you saying? I don't get you. What, aren't you upset that I don't know the kids as well as you?
Debra: No, Ray. I mean, you did your best. I needed you this morning and you were there for me. And now, I need you tonight to go and make the money.
Ray: All right, all right, I'll call him. But am I a bad father because I don't know who the kids' doctor is or what Ally has for lunch, or how long you breast-fed the twins for? By the way, I told the doctor you stopped, right?
Debra: Yeah, six months ago.
Ray: Right, I thought it was a little less crowded around there.

Debra: Ray, come here. I mean, look, so you don't know some things, you know? But you're trying, and you care, and, yeah, you work hard. And your job takes you away a lot. But it's because of your job you were able to pay the doctor today.
Ray: I was supposed to pay him today, right?
Debra: Yeah. Here, take my temperature.
Ray: You're feeling a lot cooler. I think it's time for a little "doctor and the patient." Well, Mrs. Barone. Why are you taking your clothes off? I'm the dentist.

Ray: Look, Michael. Look over there. Look at that pretty little girl.
Man: He's a boy.
Ray: Sorry. I got thrown by all the pink and the earrings.