Ray: I just want the kids to get better. That's all. Don't worry. Daddy's here, okay?
Dr. Hammond: Now, that's good. Sometimes I need a little help restraining the children when I examine them.
Ray: Restraining the children? You are a real doctor, right?
Dr. Hammond: How are you feeling, Ally?
Ally: Crummy.
Ray: She upgraded herself. This morning she was icky.
Dr. Hammond: What has she been eating lately?
Ray: Good things. Lots of green stuff. Sometimes hot, and sometimes cold. Debra does that mostly.

Dr. Hammond: What about her sleeping habits?
Ray: Oh, that? That, I know. I know that because I read her a book and tuck her in right about 8:00. Well, if I'm not at the game. Working. Working. I'm a sports writer, you know.
Dr. Hammond: That's right. I remember. What I meant was, does she wake up a lot during the night?
Ray: I don't know. I'm a pretty heavy sleeper, you know. It's kind of like that "tree falling in the forest" thing. You know? But I read her the books. And I sing her the duck song, right, honey? Little ducks, big ducks, lots of swinging ducks...
Dr. Hammond: You have a lovely voice. Deep breath. She's been around a lot of children who are sick?
Ray: Yes, in your waiting room. It's like a hot zone out there, I'll tell you.

Dr. Hammond: I mean, the children she plays with.
Ray: Well, Debra arranges the play dates, but then I go and pick her up, right? Sometimes.
Ally: When you're home.
Dr. Hammond: You sound like a typical dad.
Ray: No, no. No, I'm a very good dad. Yeah, I go on the road a lot, but when I come home then they're all mine, right? Like, what did we do last week? We went to the video store, we got you your favorite video. That's why they like it when it's Daddy's day. But my wife only lets them watch it once. I'll let them watch that as many times as they want. They love it. It's great. They can sit in front of that thing for hours. Right? We have fun, don't we? And Ally's favorite video? The Little Mermaid.
Ally: No, Beauty and the Beast.
Ray: Right. [chuckles] It's the same thing.

Dr. Hammond: Ally seemed to have a touch of the flu. Let's see how little Michael is doing.
Ray: I'm pretty sure that's going to be the same thing, too. They've got the same fever, same sniffles, same crumminess. Believe me, I know these kids.
Dr. Hammond: Mr. Barone, Michael seems fine to me.
Ray: That's impossible.
Dr. Hammond: No, I'm telling you, there's nothing wrong with that child.
Ray: What are you talking about? This morning-
[After Robert enters the examination room holding one of the twins, he and Raymond swap children]

Marie: Honey, button up your sweater, and let's close your robe. I don't want you to catch a chill. Is there anything else I can get for you?
Debra: Maybe I'll just go upstairs for a while.
Marie: No, you stay right here. I'll go straighten out the covers.
Debra: No, you don't have to--
Marie: I know. I've been ordering you around a lot today. But when of your own is sick you have to forget about winning a popularity contest.
Frank: You're in no danger.

Marie: The important thing is that you get better.
Debra: Thanks, Marie. It's nice to be taken care of for a change. Thank you.
Marie: We're both mothers. You know, there is not much difference between us. Isn't that right?
Robert: I don't want to say the wrong thing.
Marie: We are the same, aren't we, Frank?
Frank: Yeah, you're exactly the same. Like me and Fabio. [Robert laughs]
Marie: See, Frank thinks so, too.

Ray: I'm glad we finally got some time to do this. I know we've both been very busy. Okay, so tell me of all the places you've played where would you say is your favorite?
Ally: In my room.
Ray: Okay. Have you ever seen Mommy kiss the cable man?

Ray: Honey, are you up? Oh, I had a good night's sleep. There's no kids in bed with us for a change. How about a little-
Debra: Oh, God. I don't feel so well.
Ray: You usually don't say that until after.
Debra: No, I mean it, Ray. Stay away from me. Oh, God, I'm so hot.
Ray: Now I'm getting all these mixed signals.
Debra: Honey, the kids.
Ray: I know, they're fine.
Debra: Ray, could you get the kids, please?
Ray: Eh. All this discussion. We could have been done by now.

Ray: Mommy's not feeling too good.
Ally: What did you do to her?
Ray: Nothing. Believe me, nothing.
Debra: I think Mommy's got the flu, sweetie. Ray, I think you're gonna have to help me today.
Ray: All right, I'll- Wait a minute, my Terry Bradshaw meeting. Honey, I'm sorry. Oh, no. If I get to ghostwrite his book I can afford to get you round-the-clock nursing care.

Ray: You're looking a lot peppier right now.
Debra: I'm starting to get chills now, sweetie. You better get that ThermoScan.
Ray: Huh?
Debra: The thermometer, so we know what we're dealing with.
Ray: Know what we're dealing with? That's hospital talk. Stop. Think positive. Stop that hospital. Kitchen talk. Like, "What would Ray want for breakfast before his big meeting?"