Debra: Ray, I happen to love you for you.
Ray: I don't care about that. I wanna be a hottie.
Debra: So did I.
Ray: Yeah, well, you're a hottie even without the socks.
Debra: Oh. [hugs Ray] Oh, you said I didn't need socks.

Ray: Honey, I think you make some excellent points here, but I can't help wondering that maybe part of the reason you're so upset right now might possibly be PMS-related.
Debra: Would somebody get me a tape recorder? Because I cannot believe you said that!
Ray: I just don't know what to do.
Debra: Yeah. Yeah, no kidding. Listen, if I had PMS and I'm not saying that I have is that how you help me, by taping me, by telling me I have PMS? That doesn't help me, Ray! That doesn't help me!
Ray: Well, what do you want me to do?! I don't know what to do! Show me what to do! Just draw it out for me!
Debra: Have you ever thought about giving me a hug?
Ray: A hug?!
Debra: Yes, a hug. Did you ever think of hugging me, you jerk?!
Ray: Well, it's pretty hard to hug someone who's trying to kill you!
Debra: Yeah, well, it never occurred to you because you've never tried it before!
Ray: Well, look, this is not huggable! This this is not Debra. This is the woman shows up once a month to rip into me like a monkey on a cupcake! All right, that's it! That's the reason I taped you, so you could hear yourself and maybe admit that there might be a problem that isn't just me being a dorkwang or whatever!

Ray: How 'bout how 'bout the time we were at the pet store with the kids and that guy had a monkey? All I did was look at it, and you gave me that face.
Debra: What face?
Ray: That don't-even-think-about-it face.
Debra: Well, you know we can't have a monkey in the house!
Ray: I know! I wasn't going to buy a monkey. But you didn't even like that I thought it might be fun.
Debra: That's right, because maybe I don't want to think that my husband, whom I'm married to, would like to live with a monkey!
Ray: Well, maybe I would.
Debra: Well, maybe I do.

Debra: Hey. Five after 7:00. Morning, Marie.
Marie: Were you up all night taking care of Raymond? Because you look terrible.
[Behind Marie's back, Ray points to his head]
Debra: Uh, yeah, Ray had a headache. [Ray signals sleep] So he went right to bed. [Ray gives Debra a thumbs up as Marie turns around]
Ray: Right there. That's where it hurt. Ugh, it was all night.
Marie: Okay. I'll talk to you later.
Debra: All right.
Marie: Your father and I are still babysitting tonight, right?
Debra: Yep. See you tonight.
Marie: Oh, I'm sure I'll see you before then. [exits]
Debra: I'm sure you will.

Debra: Mr. Putnam, we're really gonna crack down on her homework.
Mr. Putnam: It's not just homework. You can't do the homework if you don't pay attention. You see, the thing about math is numbers are constant. They're clear. They're... logical. They're organized. 13-year-olds are not.
Debra: Believe me, I understand.
Mr. Putnam: Thank you. I'm sure Ally's a very bright girl, but she doesn't pay attention. Nothing I say...
Debra: Sinks in?
Mr. Putnam: Right.
Debra: Yeah. Everything I read says that's teenagers.
Mr. Putnam: I used to teach second-graders. I mean, sure, you had the occasional pee-pee accident in class. But they they were so...
Debra: Sweet.
Mr. Putnam: Yes. And appreciative.
Debra: Yes.
Mr. Putnam: Mm-mmm.
Ray: You two met before, or?

Debra: So how is it?
Ally: Great. How much more do we have to eat before dessert?
Debra: This ain't your night, kid. I made dessert too.

Nurse: Sir, sir, please.
Doctor: Hi, are you the Barones?
Robert: My brother's in there. Raymond!
Doctor: He's fine now. His blood pressure's returning to normal and he's coming out of it. This happens sometimes. It's a form of hypertension, but he's perfectly all right.
Debra: Thank you.
Doctor: You can see him in a few minutes.
Debra: Oh. Oh, my God.
Robert: Okay, but it was fine.
Debra: Yes.
Robert: He said it went fine. It went good.
Amy: I noticed the nurse was still buttoned.
Debra: Okay. Okay, now listen. What happened in there... nobody tells Ray.
Frank: Or his mother.

Debra: Look at this place. Oh, let's just declare it a landfill. Remind me again, why did we have the children?

Debra: Um, you know, Ray, about this photo idea?
Ray: Yeah.
Debra: It's really stupid.
Ray: Why? It's perfect. It's what she wants.
Debra: Well, don't you think? Look, we're gonna have to spend, like, this whole awful afternoon with them, and then after we're done we have this permanent reminder of the whole awful afternoon with them.

Debra: Can we just take the picture?
Ray: Look, you better go tell your parents that this is not cool.
Debra: I certainly will not. Why don't you tell your mother she better accept the fact that she does get to decide who is in and out of this family.
Ray: Just talk to your mother.
Debra: You talk to your mother.