Marie: He's ruining his life again. I don't know what's wrong with my boys that they have so much trouble with women.
Ray: Ma! It's normal for couples to fight, okay? Remember that in case you and dad ever have one.

Amy: Robert made the police blotter this week.
Peter: Wow! What went down, man? A shootout with some smack- and crackheads?
Robert: No no, nothing so exciting. It just said, "Mailbox defaced. Unit responded."
Amy: He was the unit.

Amy: Hello. How are you? How was your day, Yogi?
Robert: Good. Pretty quiet. Hit a little traffic coming home.
Amy: Oh, I'm sorry. You hate traffic.
Robert: Oh, that's okay. Ooh, what smells great?
Amy: Well, it just might be your favorite food.
Robert: Ribs fra diavolo?
Amy: Rib steak and mashed potatoes and bacon and a key-lime pie.
Robert: Is my mom here?
Amy: No, just me and you, and nobody's mom or dad or brother.
Robert: Wow. Here, let me help you. I'll set the table.
Amy: No, no, I want you to sit. You just relax because you've got a big meal ahead of you, and after that...
Robert: Oh. Well, if I'd known this was waiting for me, I would've driven home with the siren on.

Debra: Robert, Amy came to us. She was just looking for a way to help you with your...
Ray: Boop-be-de-boo.
Robert: Look, all I know is when I left for work yesterday morning, my wife was fine with me. And after an hour with you two, she wanted to strap me into a bed at Bellevue.
Debra: Oh, Robert, don't be ridiculous.
Ray: Yeah, you couldn't fit into one of those beds.

Amy: Hello, everybody. Robert.
Robert: Hey.
Marie: Oh, see? Everything is fine.
Frank: Yeah, why don't you go over and kiss your wife on your way out of my house?
Marie: A kiss is a good idea. [tries to push Robert forward] Here we go.
Amy: It's okay, Marie.
Marie: No, it's not okay. You two have to kiss and then I'll give you a big bowl of ice cream.

Amy: No. No, it makes perfect sense. I mean, all you have to do is remember the 13 times we broke up to see that maybe Robert's not comfortable with commitment. I tried to help you overcome all that, but obviously I failed. [sobs]
Robert: Oh, Amy, Amy. No, don't cry. You're wrong. I'm happy being married. I've never been happier.
Amy: I'm happy too.
Robert: Listen, I lost my temper last night, and I shouldn't have. And all those things I said about you, they're not true. You have the cutest walk I've ever seen and you don't eat like a beaver.
Debra: What happened over there last night?
Robert: Listen, sweetie, I'm sorry. I love you.
Amy: I love you.
Frank: I love you too. Bye now.
Robert: We have a great marriage, Boo Boo. You can relax. And if you relax, then maybe I'll relax, and then who knows, maybe that'll be the end of crazy chin.
Amy: He said we have a great marriage.
Marie: How about another kiss?

Amy: Come on, guys, maybe we should just leave it well enough alone.
Frank: You call that well enough? Come on, Robert, tell us. I wanna know. Why do you do the monkey move?
Robert: I don't know.
Marie: Robbie, you're with family. You can tell us.
Robert: I don't know

Debra: No, that's interesting, Frank. Candy and pickles.
Ray: It's like watching Freud work.

Marie: Who wants a big bowl of ice cream?
Robert: What is wrong with me?
Amy: Nothing's wrong with you, Robert.
Robert: No? My kid brother arrives, and from then on, I gotta rub lunch on my face?
Debra: Robert, I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but this is a good moment for you. You understand something about yourself, and now that you understand it, you can stop if you want.
Marie: Yeah, but the most important thing is that we all have to remember that your problem was nobody's fault. Here you go, Raymond.
Ray: Happy landing.

Robert: Hey there, cubby.
Ray: Hey. What? What's with you?
Robert: Oh, nothing. I'm just thinking about that chin thing that I do. That's right. I'm talking about it. That's the first step in getting over something. Acceptance and talking. I'm seeing Dr. Greenberg.
Ray: Oh, that's good. Great.
Robert: Yeah, and you know, he made me realize that just because I have legitimate excuses for doing something doesn't mean I have to keep on doing it. Starting today, I'm not touching any food to my chin.
Ray: All right. Okay. All right, good. Good for you.