Ray: My father's about to ask me to go to this war thing. What am I going to do?
Debra: Tell him you can't do it.
Ray: I can't just turn him down. Look how excited he is. No, I got to tell him I'm going somewhere else.
Debra: Well, you are going somewhere else. You're going to the baby shower.
Ray: Oh. Hey, what if I tell him I'm going to the baby shower? Right, he goes to his thing, you go to your thing and I make sure that things are good here?

Frank: Hey, Ray, we're going to get going but I wanted to ask you about next weekend.
Ray: Next weekend I'm going to a baby shower.
Frank: What?
Ray: Yeah. It's for couples. That's how they do it now.
Frank: Well, I was going to ask you, since I'm going to be at war if you wouldn't mind taking out my recyclables.
Ray: That's what you wanted to ask me?
Frank: Yeah. [to Harry] Hey, you know what my son's doing while I'm out fighting? He's going to a baby shower.
Harry: Oh, yeah? Back in Civil War days, we had names for guys like you. They're pretty much like the names we have for you today.

Debra: Ray, I was thinking about what we could do for our presentation for the baby shower.
Ray: I was thinking about that, too. Here's what I was thinking. We get up there in front of everybody this will be great and then I put an ax through my head. All right? Then you do the presentation by yourself, because, thank God, I'm dead.
Debra: You know, as much as I like that, it's going to be tough to follow.

Debra: Please don't make me go. As bad as this shower might be, it doesn't even compare to your dad's Civil War thing. Think about your poor brother.
Ray: Yeah. Why?
Debra: He's going to it. Can you imagine being stuck in a tent with your dad? That's where you need the ax.

Ray: My dad asked him to go?
Debra: Yeah, your mom told me.
Ray: What? Robert's so great?
Debra: No, I don't think that--
Ray: And I get the recycling. He doesn't even ask me. I mean my father should ask me, shouldn't he? Why didn't he ask?
Debra: Well, would you have gone?
Ray: Of course not. But why does he want Robert to go and not me? What's wrong with me?
Debra: Ray, I didn't know that you'd be feeling so... Wait a minute. You're not acting all hurt just so I'll tell you to go with your dad so that you can get out of the baby shower, are you?
Ray: I'm not that smart.

Ray: So I guess everybody who signed up. What, are they, they're already signed up already?
Frank: Yeah. Why?
Ray: I don't know.
Frank: What are you saying? You want to go to the reenactment?
Ray: You asking me?
Frank: You want to go?
Ray: I don't know. You asking me?
Frank: If I ask you, would you go?
Robert: Are you asking Raymond?
Frank: I don't know. Does he want to go?
Robert: Why are you asking me?
Frank: Do you want to go?
Ray: All right, I'll go! Thank you for asking.

Frank: All right, I got to go over to Harry's and tell him we need another uniform.
Ray: Can't you call him?
Frank: No. In his world, the phone won't be invented for another 13 years.

Robert: Do you have any idea what you're getting into?
Ray: Yeah.
Robert: No bed, no heat, no shower. Weather report for next weekend: snow.
Ray: All right.
Robert: Meals are hardtack, jerky and whatever water you can wring out of your socks.

Ray: Debra. Newsday or USA Today? Which is softer?
Debra: I don't know.
Ray: Ah, I'll bring them both. I'll read one of them.

Debra: What's all that stuff?
Ray: It's for that reenactment. I got to go to my father's house and get ready.
Debra: What are you bringing?
Ray: Essentials. You know, stuff for war.
Debra: Rice Krispies Treats? I don't think they had those in the Civil War.
Ray: I never read that anywhere.
Debra: Itty bitty book light?