‘Be Nice’
Season 3, Episode 23 - Aired May 3, 1999
Ray and Debra agree they could be as nice to each other as they are to other people.
Quote from Ray
Ray: Where's the paper?
Debra: Forget the paper. You're taking the kids to the park!
Ray: Whoa, whoa. When did that happen?
Debra: Last night you said you'd take the kids to the park so I could clean up around here and lay down for a few minutes today.
Ray: When did I say that?
Debra: When you were watching your stupid whatever show.
Ray: Sports Center?
Debra: Yes, I asked you, you said okay.
Ray: Did I say "Okay", or did I say "okay, okay, okay"?
Debra: What, so you're not going to take them?
Ray: [sighs] How much time do you need?
Debra: I want an hour and a half.
Ray: All right, but I'm back here in an hour and a half. That has to include travel time.
Debra: Fine. Just go.
Ray: Okay, all right. The hour and half starts right now. Okay, I'm gonna go put on my sneakers. [shuffles slowly across the room]
Quote from Ray
Ray: [to the kids] All right, you varmints, vamoose on out of here. Run away. Go get 'em.
Quote from Ray
Lori: Hi, do you know what time it is?
Ray: Uh, let's see. It's 11 and half minutes since I put on my sneakers. That's, uh, about 3:00.
Lori: Thanks.
Elise: I'm Elise. We've seen the kids here with your wife Debra, right?
Ray: Right.
Lori: Is she okay?
Ray: Yeah, she's taking a nap.
Elise: She gets to nap?
Lori: And you're watching all three kids?
Ray: Well, I am their father.
Lori: Wow.
Elise: You can teach my husband a thing or two.
Ray: Well, have him call me. I'll set up some lessons.
Lori: It's so great the way you're spending this time with your kids. I mean, my husband would rather sit and watch sports.
Ray: Yeah, sports. Sports is sports, you know. But they grow up so quickly.
Quote from Debra
Debra: I was just thinking maybe we could both be a little nicer to each other.
Ray: Oh. Okay. Sure. You'll be nicer?
Debra: Yes, and you can be nicer to me.
Ray: Hmm. Oh. Okay. Like how?
Debra: Oh, nothing. Just a little more consideration. You know, appreciation.
Ray: Okay.
Debra: Just the little things. You know, manners. Pleases and thank yous.
Ray: Got it. Got it.
Debra: Right. Just a little courtesy, you know? Like maybe you could compliment me once in a while.
Ray: I give you compliments.
Debra: No. No, you don't. I always have to ask. Like "How do I look?" Or "What did you think of dinner?"
Quote from Ray
Debra: Okay. But this being nice thing is a two-way street. What would you like from me?
Ray: You could be a little more polite, you know? Like, not call me idiot.
Debra: Okay, that's fair.
Ray: Yeah.
Debra: No more idiot.
Ray: Okay.
Debra: What would you like to be called?
Ray: S-sweetie?
Debra: Seriously?
Ray: I don't know. Try it.
Debra: Okay, sweetie.
Ray: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sweetie, yeah.
Quote from Marie
Marie: Billy Smith, Frank. Billy Smith. Look. "Have a great summer." I could've married Billy Smith.
Frank: There's still time.
Marie: Robert, you're a policeman. Try to find Billy Smith. And it doesn't have to be this Billy Smith.
Quote from Ray
Debra: You know they're wrong, Ray?
Ray: I know. Come on, what are we listening to them for? Why is that the last people who should talk are always my relatives?
Quote from Ray
Ray: Is there something new in here?
Debra: Yeah, I made my own dressing yesterday. You like it?
Ray: You know, I think it's marvelous that you're trying the new dressings.
Debra: Wait a minute. What is that?
Ray: What? Nice.
Debra: No, no, no. That's not nice. That's a fake nice. That's your mom.
Ray: All right, all right. Now that's not nice right there.
Debra: Come on, Ray, don't patronize me. If you don't like my dressing just say so. I'm fine with honesty.
Ray: You're fine if I tell you that it's bad?
Debra: Well, yes. Because that's-- What do you mean it's bad?
Ray: I didn't say that it was bad. I said you're fine if I say that it's bad.
Debra: Oh, don't give me that crap. Why don't you just say you hate it?
Ray: Look, maybe I'm wrong but I don't think this is a sandwich problem. I think somebody's letting off steam at me.
Debra: Well, I think I have the right to let off steam at you because I made some fish and you didn't want that.
Then I make you this special sandwich and you're having a problem with that!
Ray: I didn't say I had a problem with it! I'm just trying to be nice.
Debra: Yeah, fake nice.
Ray: What's the difference?!
Quote from Ray
Ray: I'll make a deal with you. I throw this out and you can call me an idiot.
Debra: Deal. [Ray throws the sandwich in the trash] Idiot.
Ray: Oh yeah, yeah. [they kiss]