Greg: I can't decide on a hairstyle. I'm stuck between Verdine White and Dr. J.
Manny: I cannot cut your hair, Greg.
Greg: Why not?
Manny: First of all, your hair's not long enough to be Verdine White, and it's not curly enough to be Dr. J. I've never used these scissors on straight hair. I don't know what will happen. I'll start cutting your hair, man, sparks start flying everywhere, your whole head catch on fire. And I will not be sued by White people!

Rochelle: Julius, do you want me to make you an extra plate for work?
Julius: Oh, that'd be great, baby. Thank you.
Greg: Work? It's nighttime.
Tonya: He works at night.
Drew: And days.
Chris: My dad has two jobs.
Julius: Make that three. I just picked up a side job driving a cab.
Rochelle: A cab? When do you have time to drive a cab?
Julius: I'm just trying it for the weekend. I'll see how it goes.
Greg: Wow. When do you sleep? [all laugh]
Julius: Hey, that's a good one. Sleep.

Chris: So, what's for dinner?
Mr. Omar: I'm having mac and cheese. What are you having?
Chris: I guess I'll have mac and cheese, too.
Mr. Omar: You must be having it someplace else, 'cause I'm all out.
Chris: Well, what else you got?
Mr. Omar: Uh, whatever's in the fridge.
Chris: What?! Man, do you know you have hair in here.
Mr. Omar: Oh, I know, that's my side business. My dear clients no longer have a need for their tresses-- tragic-- so I sell it to wig shops. I got a wide variety. I got curly, wavy, nappy, and Indian.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Who wants nappy?
Chris: The only other thing you have in here is some expired milk, some prune juice... and what is this?
Mr. Omar: Oh, I do have some cheese. Now all we need is the macaroni.

Rochelle: Oh, I'm calling the doctor.
Julius: For what?
Rochelle: We're all sick, Julius, remember? And now Tonya has a fever.
Julius: We've all got fevers. Besides, doctors cost money.
Rochelle: And so do funerals.
Julius: Look, all the doctor is going to say is that we need to get some rest, drink plenty of fluids, take some aspirin. We don't need to pay for that.
Rochelle: I can't believe your daughter is in there burning up and you are too cheap to call the doctor.
Julius: Call Chris, tell him to bring us some 'Tussin. We'll be okay. [coughs]

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Meanwhile, my father tried to get clues from the clueless.
Julius: Look, I want information, and word on the street is that you got some.
Manny: Where'd you hear that from? Radio or something, man? Ain't got no damn TV, so I heard.
Julius: Maybe you should talk to Mr. Lincoln.
Manny: A penny? You can keep your penny, man. I don't know nothing, man. I haven't heard anything. No one's told me anything. Zero.
Julius: Hey, hey, hey, you sure? I mean, maybe you want to talk to Mr. Roosevelt, too.
Manny: You know what? I would love to talk to Mr. Roosevelt. [holds up imaginary phone] Yes, Mr. President. Yeah, Julius is standing right here. Yeah, yeah. He ain't got enough money. No, he's really short of money. Yeah, he's still standing here. I will tell him, Mr. President. Okay, okay, I'll tell him. Bye-bye. ["hangs up"] Um, he says to go talk to Kill Moves 'cause Kill Moves has his ear to the street.

Greg: A dog. That's so cool.
Chris: Yeah, but I can't get him to do anything.
Greg: Here's a couple of books on dog training.
Chris: You just happen to have books on dog training in your locker?
Greg: I got lots of stuff in here. Let's see... Got a bartender's guide, an auction catalog to fine crystal, mostly Lalique, How to Fly a Helicopter, The Idiot's Guide to Tic-Tac-Toe, a Gutenberg Bible... and a street guide to Baghdad. You never know.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That guidebook lists a lot more streets than they have left in Baghdad now.

Julius: Forget this. I'm getting a gun.
Rochelle: Julius, do you know what would happen if we got a gun?
[fantasy montage:]
Julius: Who ate the big piece of chicken? [pistol cocking] You? Baby girl?
Rochelle: [pistols cocking] Who left the damn toilet seat up? Huh?
Tonya: Who ate all the cereal? [shotgun cocking] I will blow your freakin' head off!

Adult Chris: [v.o.] When I got older, I was always asking my dad to let me drive.
Chris: Hey, Dad, can I drive?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And he always said the same thing.
Julius: Drive? Sure, you can drive... as soon as you turn 16, go to driver's ed., get a driver's license, graduate from high school, get a job, get out of my house, get a car, get insurance. Yeah, then you can drive anytime you want.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] He could have just said no.

Rochelle: Baby, get some rest. Pay attention to your health for a change.
Julius: There's nothing wrong with my health.
Rochelle: You got the gout, high blood pressure, arthritis, a bad back, the sniffles, an ingrown toenail, seborrhea, psoriasis, a strained ligament, dyspepsia and gastric reflux.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My mother was making a lot of sense. Unfortunately, all my father heard was...
[fantasy:]
Rochelle: You got the light bill, the gas bill, the phone bill, the heat bill, the water bill, car note, taxes, insurance, food, rent, clothes, heating, cooling, washing, drying...
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My mother thought it was work that gave my father stress. But she was wrong. It was debt.

Drew: Man, I wish I could take a week off. I need a vacation.
Julius: What for? You're a kid. Your whole life's a vacation. This is a waste of time. I should be working.
Rochelle: You got five paid vacation days. Paid, Julius.
Julius: Yeah, but they're paying me for a 40-hour week. I average close to 70. If you think about it, I'm actually losing money.
Rochelle: Then don't think about it.