Drew Quote #138
Drew: Can't nobody stand you 'cause you're a liar and you won't shut up.
Tonya: Shut don't go up, prices do, so take my advice and shut up, too.
Drew: You shut up, I grow up. Every time I see your face, I throw up.
Tonya: Shut up.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] The Junior Varsity Sugar Hill Gang.
Rochelle: Will both of you shut up? I swear.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That doesn't rhyme.
Rochelle: Y'all couldn't be quiet if somebody paid you.
Tonya: I could.
Drew: No, you couldn't. You couldn't shut up to save your life.
Rochelle: Quiet! Here. Here's your allowance for this week. Okay? The next one that talks loses theirs. Winner gets it all.
Quote from Rochelle
Rochelle: You know, Julius, you know how much a light bulb costs per watt. How can you not know that you have another wife?!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Because those things are less complicated.
Julius: I do not have another wife.
Rochelle: Yes, you do! Look, look, look. It says so right there! You know what? What I want to know is, if she's your wife, then what am I?
Julius: You're my wife.
Rochelle: No! I'm your concubine!
Quote from Julius
Julius: There is no kid.
Rochelle: How do you know, Julius? You didn't even know that you didn't have a divorce! Oh, my God. W-W-W--W-W-What's going to happen to this family if it turns out there's another one?
[fantasy: as the kids eat at the dinner table, Julius is standing next to a blonde-haired White woman and a young, bald-headed multi-racial guy:]
Julius: Kids, I'd like to introduce you to your new mother Tawny and your new brother Julian.
Julian: Girl, you just wasted $2.17 worth of white meat.
Julius: [chuckles] My boy.
Quote from Everybody Hates the English Teacher
Mr. Omar: You hit on 17?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] What Mr. Omar didn't know was that when it came to numbers, Drew was like my father.
Drew: Wow, that's 562,002 granules of sugar.
Drew: Wow, that's 357,000 raindrops.
Drew: Wow, that's one cupcake.
Quote from Everybody Hates the Buddy System
Julius: I'm really proud of you for getting 100 on that test, so here you go.
Drew: Yeah! Wow.
Julius: Huh? What do you think?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Drew thought about saying this...
Drew: Gritsky? It's not Gritsky. It's Gretzky with an "E"! I scored 100 on my spelling test. I can't wear this! You got that big old head, and you can't even spell Gretzky. [scoffs] Maybe you should take my spelling classes. I ain't wearing this.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] But if he did, here's what would've happened...
[fantasy: Drew is carried out of the house on a stretcher:]
Detective: What's the story?
Police Officer: Apparently, the kid loves hockey. Father brings home a jersey that says Gritsky with an "I" instead of Gretzky with an "E." Son mouths off, dad loses it, shoves the jersey down the kid's throat.
Detective: Is that the jersey?
Police Officer: It's all we could find.
Detective: Good thing he didn't ask for skates.