Rochelle: You know what, you guys? You don't have to get me anything. You give me such great gifts every year.
Chris: No, we don't. We just make you some stupid gift out of macaroni.
Tonya: My macaroni oven mitts were not stupid.
Drew: Yeah, you're right. They weren't nearly as stupid as your macaroni hot comb.
Tonya: Shut up.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Or your macaroni macaroni bowl.
Adult Tonya: [v.o.] Hey, you shut up, too.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Get out of my voice-over booth, woman. Save that for the show Everybody Hates Tonya.
Adult Tonya: [v.o.] Whatever.

Risky: Oh, yeah, I got the latest designer imposter perfumes. Yeah. I've got Chanel No. 45. Huh? Calvin Klein's Depression, Revlon's Chucky...
Chris: Do you have Pure Voodoo?
Risky: Do I have Pure Voodoo? Look at that. Pah-dow!
Chris: Wow, does this smell like the original?
Risky: Same smell, same bottle, same box. An exact replica right down to the letter. And it's only $20.
Chris: Great. I'll take it.
Risky: Yo, for five dollars extra, you can get this Ewing cologne for Father's Day. Hmm? It's the official scent of Patrick Ewing.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Before or after the game?
Chris: No thanks.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Choosing to shoplift was the worst decision I had ever made. Even a Turkish prison would be nice compared to what my mother would do if she found out I stole.
[fantasy: Chris and an adult man are in the stocks. The man screams as a Turkish guard in a fez canes his feet:]
Rochelle: [o.s.] Chris! Boy, where you at?!
Chris: My mother's coming! Kill me now! Kill me now! Kill me now!