Kathleen Devereaux: Well, thank you for bringing my boy home. He gets lost easily.
Chris: Has he always been like this?
Kathleen Devereaux: You mean "crazy"?
Kill Moves: [sinister laugh]
Chris: Yeah.
Kathleen Devereaux: Oh, Edgar's always been savant-like. As a little child, he had a talent for charts, graphs, numbers and martial arts.
Chris: Really?
Kathleen Devereaux: Edgar, what is the square root of pi?
Kill Moves: 1.77245385.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I knew that.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] While my family was preparing for Kwanzaa, I was preparing to go shopping with Kill Moves. I didn't know much about him except that on Sunday mornings he directed traffic in his underwear.
Chris: Hey, Kill Moves.
Kill Moves: Merry... [holding a traffic cone] Oh, I thought you was the mailman. I was gonna give him this Christmas tip. Come on in.
Chris: You got cable?
Kill Moves: Can't miss Inside The NFL. I love Nick Buoniconti. So we looking for a gift for your mother?
Chris: No, it's actually for your mother.
Kill Moves: Don't talk about my mama!
Chris: I didn't mean like that.
Kill Moves: That's okay. I didn't hear you anyway.

Chris: Hey, Kill Moves. You waiting for soup?
Kill Moves: This a soup line? I was waiting to sit on Santa's lap.
Chris: Well, what do you want Santa to give you?
Kill Moves: 300 issues of Jet magazine, a solid gold football helmet and an Ionic Breeze air purifier.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That last thing hadn't even been invented yet.
Chris: Anything else?
Kill Moves: A Christmas present for my mother.
Chris: Really? I can help you with that.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] This was the perfect opportunity to get rid of my school assignment, and it was the daily double; I got to help a homeless person and a crazy person at the same time.