Chris Quote #349
Quote from Chris in Everybody Hates the Bachelor Pad
Rochelle: [talking through the door] Now, are you sure this is going to work?
Chris: Worked for everybody on the block.
Rochelle: How many teaspoons do we need to take? One or two?
Chris: Six.
Rochelle: Six?!
Chris: Yeah, six.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I knew that was too much and I risked putting my family in a coma, but I wasn't risking my mother catching me with a girl.
[fantasy: as Chris and Tasha lean in on the couch, Rochelle busts through the wall wearing military fatiguies and holding a machine gun:]
Rochelle: [screaming and grunting] Freeze! 'Cause I ain't raising no babies!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Kool-Aid's gone Rambo.
Everybody Hates Chris Quotes
‘Everybody Hates the Bachelor Pad’ Quotes
Quote from Ms. Morello
Ms. Morello: "Four score and seven years ago, our forefathers brought forth on this continent a new nation conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal..."
[As Ms. Morello faces the front of the class, Chris sneaks in and takes his seat behind her back]
Ms. Morello: ...even if they're on CP time. Good morning, Chris.
Chris: Good morning, Ms. Morello. I'm sorry I'm late, but my whole family is sick.
Ms. Morello: Oh, dear, I'm so sorry. Is it sickle cell, rickets, or swine flu?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Is that like chitlin-itis?
Chris: Swine flu.
Ms. Morello: Your tardiness is excused, but you should tell your family to lay off the bacon.
Quote from Julius
Rochelle: Now, is this remedy of yours going to work?
Julius: Oh, it'll work. It's been passed down for generations. My mother got it from my grandmother who got it from her great grandmother who got it from a Puerto Rican lady.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father's home remedies were legendary. If you had a headache...
Julius: Baking soda and a pomegranate.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If you were nauseous...
Julius: Catfish and grape jelly.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If you were blind...
Julius: A tin cup and a white cane.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Hey, he couldn't cure everything.
Quote from Mr. Omar
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Staying at Mr. Omar's was kind of like sharing a bachelor pad. With a dirty old bachelor.
Mr. Omar: Oh, hey, Chris. Just getting in from a little afternoon delight?
Chris: Oh, no, I just had to drop off some 'Tussin downstairs.
Mr. Omar: You know, flu season to me is like tax season for accountants. That's when I do the most business. But I'm sure your family will be fine.