TV Quotes

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Meanwhile, my father tried to replace a $25-an-hour plumber with a 14 cents-an-ounce bottle.
Mr. Omar: Drainada?
Julius: That's right. It's Spanish Drano.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Doesn't "Drano" already sound Spanish?
Julius: It's just as good as the real thing.
Mr. Omar: What's in it?
Julius: Sodium hydroxide and hot sauce. It dissolves the clog and leaves the pipes with a fresh, spicy scent.
Mr. Omar: Does it work?
Julius: You ever heard of a Puerto Rican with a plugged-up sink?
Mr. Omar: No.
Julius: Okay.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] It's just hitting Mr. Omar that maybe he did know a Puerto Rican with a plugged-up sink.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] The hardest thing about planning revenge is figuring out how far to go.
Greg: How's Operation Get Revenge On Caruso going?
Chris: Not bad, but I'm changing the operation name to He Can Hear You, Stupid.
Greg: What's that?
Chris: It's my revenge list. I'm trying to figure out the best way to do it.
Greg: You could toilet paper his house.
Chris: Too dangerous.
Greg: You could egg him on the way home.
Chris: Too obvious.
Greg: Put Ex-Lax in his hot chocolate.
Chris: Too typical.
Greg: Suit yourself, but I'm saving that one for a jerk to be named later.

Joey Caruso: Hey, Kelly, Alex. So is it true, you flunked out?
Chris: I didn't flunk out. But I am leaving school.
Joey Caruso: Cool. You want to hang out sometime?
Chris: You're kidding me, right?
Joey Caruso: No, I mean, I've been beating the crap out of you all these years, because secretly, I've been envious of your determination and your accomplishments. I was only trying to crush your spirit so I wouldn't feel inferior. But now that you're dropping out, society will take over, so we can hang.
Chris: So who are you gonna pick on when I'm gone?
[Greg turns away as Caruso's eyes land on him]
Greg: Just give me a minute. [looks off into the distance] All right, go ahead. [Caruso punches Greg]

Joey Caruso: Hey, Major Harris, if you mess up our pizza day, I'm gonna smack the crust out of you.