Chris Quote #91
Chris: He stole my clothes.
Joey Caruso: No, I didn't.
Chris: Yes, you did.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Mrs. Malone was the school's assistant principal. She was promoted to the position after proving the only thing she hated more than kids was working with kids.
Mrs. Milone: Stop it. Both of you. I don't have time for this. If you stole his clothes, give them back now.
Joey Caruso: I didn't. [opens his locker] See? Told you.
Mrs. Milone: I don't like liars, young man. Lie to me again, that's detention.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I wonder what I would have gotten if I'd stomped on her big toe.
More from Everybody Hates Chris
Quote from Rochelle
Adult Chris: [v.o.] The only way I was gonna get my mother to spend money on me was if not doing it would embarrass her.
Chris: Mom, I'm the only Black kid in the whole school. They already think I'm a crack baby. Wearing this sweater, they'll probably think I'm on welfare.
Rochelle: Who said we were on welfare? Be home from school on time tomorrow. We're gonna go shopping.
Julius: I thought you said we didn't have the money.
Rochelle: Oh, I'll get it. Or they'll think that we on welfare.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If people thought we were homeless, I could've got some leather socks.
Quote from Rochelle
Adult Chris: [v.o.] When my mother couldn't get any business to hire her, she would start her own business from home.
Mrs. Dumas: The secret to success in selling Yvonne cosmetics is in attitude. Now, when I started selling Yvonne, I was like a lot of you. I was raising my kids, doing housework and wondering where I went wrong. But since, I've divorced my husband, my kids moved in with my mother, and just last month I won an award, the Yvonne yellow Buick Riviera.
Rochelle: Wait. So, how can we make money again?
Mrs. Dumas: Well, you do like me. You sell your products to women like yourself, then they sell them to women like them.
Rochelle: Now, isn't that the pyramid scheme?
Mrs. Dumas: Oh, no. Of course not. We use the triangulated vertical integration model, or TVI for short. TVIs work from the bottom up. This is your business, ladies. There is no one below you.
Rochelle: So, that means we're at the top.
Mrs. Dumas: No, you're at the bottom. But that's as high as you can go.
Rochelle: Count me in.
Quote from Rochelle
Rochelle: Shut up! Now I brought you here to sell some Yvonne, and by damn it, I'm going to sell some Yvonne.
Mrs. Dumas: Rochelle, that is not the way we sell Yvonne.
Rochelle: Be quiet. Now let me ask y'all a question. Why are you here? To buy and sell Yvonne? No. You're here because you can't get a man.
Mrs. Dumas: We're here because we don't need a man.
Rochelle: Didn't I tell you to be quiet? Now, I know y'all say y'all don't want a man, and I know you say you don't need a man, but the truth is, you can't get a man.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] What you talking about, Willis?
Rochelle: Look at her. You don't think she don't want a man? Why do you think she wears all this makeup? Believe or not, the heifer's 62 years old. [all exclaiming] But she looks good. And if you want to look like this when you're 62, I suggest that you purchase some... Yvonne. Come on, baby. Please come. Girl, come here 'cause I saw the dry scalp from across the room. And you know what? You gotta get this skin lighter here. You know, it's always ashy. No, let me tell you. You gotta put it on your hands.
Quote from Everybody Hates Funerals
Maxine: Mmm. Rochelle, can't you make a decent glass of iced tea?
Chris: Well, can't you leave her alone? It's iced tea! If you're thirsty, well, then you drink it! If you're not, don't!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I might be joining my grandfather sooner than I thought.
Maxine: Are you going to sit there and let that boy talk to me like that? Boy, don't you know I'll knock you into another family?
[fantasy: Chris sits on a couch with a White family:]
Mother: Who are you?
Chris: You don't want to know.
Quote from Everybody Hates Minimum Wage
Julius: You can't just quit every time you don't like something. I mean, what if Miles Davis had quit the trumpet?
Chris: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. What if George Washington Carver quit the peanut? What if B.B. King quit "Lucille"? What if Paul Robeson quit "Old Man River"? [time lapse] What if Bill Cosby quit Jell-O? What if Mr. T quit pitying the fool? What if Stevie quit wondering? What if Fat Albert quit The Cosby Kids. [time lapse] What if Ashford quit Simpson? What if Michael Jackson quit doing the moonwalk? What if Diana Ross quit The Supremes?
Julius: Diana Ross did quit the Supremes.
Chris: You get my point.
Julius: Just go get a job.