Adult Chris Quote #1

Quote from Adult Chris in Everybody Hates the Pilot

Adult Chris: [v.o.] 1982. That was the year I turned 13. Before I was a comedian, I thought the coolest thing that would happen to me was being a teenager.
[fantasy: Chris emerges from a limousine, a group of women chant his name as he makes his way into the club:]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I was gonna have women, money, stay out late. I thought it was gonna be the bomb.
Bouncer: 'sup?
Man: Chris!
Women: [chant] Chris! Chris!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Boy, was I wrong!
[reality:]
Rochelle: Chris! Get in the bathroom and wipe the pee off the toilet seat! Disgusting!

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 ‘Everybody Hates the Pilot’ Quotes

Quote from Julius

Julius: I know you're not gonna throw that away. Eat that. That's 30 cents worth of oatmeal.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father always knew what everything costs.
[montage:]
Julius: [retrieving a chicken wing from the trash] That's $1.09 in the trash.
Julius: [next to a tray of burnt biscuits] That's $2 on fire.
Julius: That's 49 cents of spilled milk dripping all over my table. Somebody's gonna drink this milk.

Quote from Julius

Julius: Everything okay at school?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I didn't tell him about the fight. My dad went to school during the Civil Rights era. After hoses, tanks and dog bites on your ass, somehow Joey Caruso didn't compare.
Chris: Yeah, it was all right.
Julius: Good. I'll see you in the morning.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father wasn't the type to say "I love you". He was one of four fathers on the block. "I'll see you in the morning" meant he was coming home. Coming home was his way of saying "I love you".
Julius: Unplug that clock, boy. You can't tell time when you sleep. That's 2 cents an hour.

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: If I ever catch any of y'all spray painting on anybody's wall, I'm gonna put my foot so far up your behind, you'll have toes for teeth. Get inside.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That's my mother Rochelle. She had a hundred recipes for whooping ass.
[montage:]
Rochelle: Boy, I will slap the caps off your knees.
Rochelle: I will knock you into last night.
Rochelle: I will slap your name out the phonebook and call Ma Bell and tell her I did it.