Chris Quote #672
Quote from Chris in Everybody Hates Bomb Threats
Chris: Look, I memorized it, I'm gonna recite it, and you're gonna listen to it.
Thurman: Is that a fact? Sit down.
Chris: "Called from a retirement which I had supposed would continue for the residue of my life."
Thurman: All right, that's enough. You know it. Take your seat.
Chris: "to fill the chief executive office of this great and free nation." [bell rings]
Thurman: Talk.
Chris: "which will govern me in the duties of these discharge which I had to perform."
Thurman: Enjoy. Good-bye.
[later, Chris is still talking as Thurman visits a urinal:]
Chris: "I fear that a strict examination of the annals of some of the modern elective governments would develop similar instances of violated confidence."
[later, Chris in the passenger's seat of Thurman's car as he drives off:]
Chris: "I, too, well understand the dangerous temptations to which I shall be exposed "from the magnitude of the power, which it has been the pleasure"
[later, Chris is talking on the phone as Thurman reads a book at home:]
Chris: [on the phone] "If parties in a republic are necessary to secure a degree of vigilance sufficient to keep"
Thurman: All right, all right! I get it. Now leave me alone. You know the speech. I'm sorry.
Chris: Thank you.
Everybody Hates Chris Quotes
‘Everybody Hates Bomb Threats’ Quotes
Quote from Mr. Omar
Mr. Omar: Ah, Ms. Rochelle, Mr. Julius, I just want to tell you I might be a little late on the rent. Yeah, the mortuary had a run of bad luck, and tragically, we lost three customers.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That means they lived.
Julius: You see there, Rochelle? The mojo's spreading all over the building.
Mr. Omar: Mojo? What mojo? You got a mojo on you?
Rochelle: Oh, don't tell me you believe in that nonsense too.
Mr. Omar: I believe it because it's not nonsense. I'm sorry, if you got a mojo on you, I got to move the hell up out of here now.
Rochelle: What for?
Mr. Omar: 'Cause you got a mojo on you, and I'm in this house, I got a mojo on me. And if people keep surviving around here, y'all gonna run me out of business. So do what you need to do, and let me know when it's done.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That's what my wife says.
Quote from Vanessa
Vanessa: Oh, I had to check with you. I was going over my receipts, and my register keeps coming up short about $40.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My mom could have been the mayor of Detroit.
Rochelle: Oh... I meant to tell you about that.
Vanessa: About what?
Rochelle: Um, you know Miss Tallulah?
Vanessa: Yeah. What about her?
Rochelle: Well, she was unhappy with her hair color, so she seemed pretty upset, so I just gave her a refund.
Vanessa: Refund? What'd you do that for? I have a strict no-refund policy, you know that.
Rochelle: Well, Vanessa, she put a hex on me. A mojo!
Vanessa: A mojo? You let that woman come in and scam you for $40 because she threatened you with a mojo? She's been doing that ever since she came in, 'Chelle. She's crazy! She's the reason I put the sign up there. Oh, ooh, I got to watch TV when I eat.
Quote from Rochelle
Tallulah: My name is Tallulah LaFitte. I came in here the other day to get my hair dyed honey brown, and it come out like this.
Rochelle: Well, did you have color in your hair before you came in?
Tallulah: So, what if I did? I didn't want my hair to be orange. I look like Ronald Blackdonald.
Rochelle: Well... hair is like crayons, you know? You mix colors, you get new colors. If you don't know what you're mixing, then you don't know what you're gonna get.
Tallulah: I don't care about no mixing colors, miss. You need to give me a refund.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] You need to put those fingers away.