Chris Quote #667
Quote from Chris in Everybody Hates Bomb Threats
Adult Chris: [v.o.] In 1987, there was no Internet. If you wanted information, you actually had to walk out of your house and get it.
Librarian: William Henry Harrison's inaugural speech. There you go.
Chris: Thanks. Uh, which page is it on?
Librarian: All of 'em.
Chris: I can't memorize all this.
Librarian: Memorize? Harrison couldn't memorize that, and he wrote it.
Chris: Well, I guess I'm gonna need to take it home.
Librarian: Can't. It's a reference book.
Chris: Can I make a copy?
Librarian: Sure. [offers Chris a pack of lined paper]
Chris: Don't we have a copy machine?
Librarian: We did, but it turned out to be a fake. It was a copy of a copy machine. The Xerox police confiscated it. If your hand starts to cramp up, use the other one.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I was quite familiar with that principle.
Everybody Hates Chris Quotes
‘Everybody Hates Bomb Threats’ Quotes
Quote from Mr. Omar
Mr. Omar: Ah, Ms. Rochelle, Mr. Julius, I just want to tell you I might be a little late on the rent. Yeah, the mortuary had a run of bad luck, and tragically, we lost three customers.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That means they lived.
Julius: You see there, Rochelle? The mojo's spreading all over the building.
Mr. Omar: Mojo? What mojo? You got a mojo on you?
Rochelle: Oh, don't tell me you believe in that nonsense too.
Mr. Omar: I believe it because it's not nonsense. I'm sorry, if you got a mojo on you, I got to move the hell up out of here now.
Rochelle: What for?
Mr. Omar: 'Cause you got a mojo on you, and I'm in this house, I got a mojo on me. And if people keep surviving around here, y'all gonna run me out of business. So do what you need to do, and let me know when it's done.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That's what my wife says.
Quote from Vanessa
Vanessa: Oh, I had to check with you. I was going over my receipts, and my register keeps coming up short about $40.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My mom could have been the mayor of Detroit.
Rochelle: Oh... I meant to tell you about that.
Vanessa: About what?
Rochelle: Um, you know Miss Tallulah?
Vanessa: Yeah. What about her?
Rochelle: Well, she was unhappy with her hair color, so she seemed pretty upset, so I just gave her a refund.
Vanessa: Refund? What'd you do that for? I have a strict no-refund policy, you know that.
Rochelle: Well, Vanessa, she put a hex on me. A mojo!
Vanessa: A mojo? You let that woman come in and scam you for $40 because she threatened you with a mojo? She's been doing that ever since she came in, 'Chelle. She's crazy! She's the reason I put the sign up there. Oh, ooh, I got to watch TV when I eat.
Quote from Rochelle
Tallulah: My name is Tallulah LaFitte. I came in here the other day to get my hair dyed honey brown, and it come out like this.
Rochelle: Well, did you have color in your hair before you came in?
Tallulah: So, what if I did? I didn't want my hair to be orange. I look like Ronald Blackdonald.
Rochelle: Well... hair is like crayons, you know? You mix colors, you get new colors. If you don't know what you're mixing, then you don't know what you're gonna get.
Tallulah: I don't care about no mixing colors, miss. You need to give me a refund.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] You need to put those fingers away.