Chris: You smoke?
Drew: Ma, the surgeon general says you can't-
Rochelle: I know what he says. It's written on the side of the box.
Tonya: Then how come you still smoke?
Drew: Yeah. If there was a sign on the side of our dinner that says it will cause cancer and birth defects, you would slap the salad out of us if you found us eating it.

Julius: Lakemuffin? I wonder if he's related to Seabiscuit.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] But sometimes the best deals are right under your nose.
Michael: This car is you, nephew! Let me take another picture. Yeah, you are hot! That's it right there, nephew, that's it. This is it.
Chris: I don't know. I think I want to look around a little bit more.
Michael: What for? That's a good car. Radio works, no dents, you got a spare in the back, and it only costs $300. Plus, you can't even see the hole in the backseat where the girl shot at me over a chicken sandwich. There's a lot of people pay a lot more money for a car like that.
Chris: Then why haven't you sold it already?
Michael: Classified ads are expensive. If you hadn't called me, I would've kept it for myself.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And trade it to somebody for a sandwich.