Monk Quote #13

Quote from Monk in Everybody Hates the Bachelor Pad

Risky: Man, thanks for inviting us over, Chris.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I didn't invite you over.
James: Hey, man, you aren't trying to talk to Tasha, are you?
Chris: Yeah, kind of.
Monk: Well, if that's the case, man, why don't you just give me the say-so. I'll clear these people out of here in seconds. See, I carry a container of napalm, just for such emergencies.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I was tempted to take him up on it.

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 ‘Everybody Hates the Bachelor Pad’ Quotes

Quote from Ms. Morello

Ms. Morello: "Four score and seven years ago, our forefathers brought forth on this continent a new nation conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal..."
[As Ms. Morello faces the front of the class, Chris sneaks in and takes his seat behind her back]
Ms. Morello: ...even if they're on CP time. Good morning, Chris.
Chris: Good morning, Ms. Morello. I'm sorry I'm late, but my whole family is sick.
Ms. Morello: Oh, dear, I'm so sorry. Is it sickle cell, rickets, or swine flu?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Is that like chitlin-itis?
Chris: Swine flu.
Ms. Morello: Your tardiness is excused, but you should tell your family to lay off the bacon.

Quote from Julius

Rochelle: Now, is this remedy of yours going to work?
Julius: Oh, it'll work. It's been passed down for generations. My mother got it from my grandmother who got it from her great grandmother who got it from a Puerto Rican lady.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father's home remedies were legendary. If you had a headache...
Julius: Baking soda and a pomegranate.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If you were nauseous...
Julius: Catfish and grape jelly.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If you were blind...
Julius: A tin cup and a white cane.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Hey, he couldn't cure everything.

Quote from Mr. Omar

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Staying at Mr. Omar's was kind of like sharing a bachelor pad. With a dirty old bachelor.
Mr. Omar: Oh, hey, Chris. Just getting in from a little afternoon delight?
Chris: Oh, no, I just had to drop off some 'Tussin downstairs.
Mr. Omar: You know, flu season to me is like tax season for accountants. That's when I do the most business. But I'm sure your family will be fine.