Chris Quote #309

Quote from Chris in Everybody Hates the Guidance Counselor

Mr. Abbott: Hey, hey, hey, don't get mad at me, short bus. You're the one that didn't take this test serious. It's a test. What did you think was gonna happen? You know what they do to food before they give it to people? They test it. They don't even give people, uh, paper towels without testing it first. How do you think they know that Bounty is the quicker picker-upper? They test it, and you know what happens to all the other paper towels that couldn't sop up the grease? They fail and get sent back.
Chris: Well, maybe if they would've told the paper towel that he needed to sop up the grease to get to the store, he would've done better.
Mr. Abbott: What are you talking about?!
Chris: I don't know. You started it.


 ‘Everybody Hates the Guidance Counselor’ Quotes

Quote from Manny

Adult Chris: [v.o.] My dad didn't go to college and neither did my mother, so I tried to find out if I knew anybody who did.
Chris: Hey, Manny, did you ever go to college?
Manny: Always wanted to, but I found out I couldn't.
Chris: Why not?
Manny: I had this thing called "extenuating circumstances."
Mr. Omar: Like what?
Manny: I never finished high school. So I got a job here and when Manny died, I took over.
Chris: Wait, you had the same name as the owner?
Manny: No, no, no, my name was Lester. But I had to make a choice: change the sign or change my name. And that sign was expensive.

Quote from Chris

Mr. Abbott: Okay, let's start. Father.
Chris: Tired.
Mr. Abbott: Mother.
Chris: Bald.
Mr. Abbott: Excuse me?
Chris: Sorry. I was still on "father."
Mr. Abbott: Thank God. I thought you had a bald mother.

Quote from Greg

Adult Chris: [v.o.] While my mother was throwing clothes in the box, Greg was thinking outside the box.
Mr. Abbott: You did unbelievable on this test. There's a lot of things you could do when you get out of college.
Greg: At first, I was thinking I could start up an investment banking firm, or maybe franchise a coffee store.
Mr. Abbott: "Franchise a coffee store"? That is the dumbest idea I've ever heard in my life. A store that sells nothing but coffee? Well, what you going to open up next? A place that sells nothing but staples? Oh, what's after that? A place that sells everything for 99 cents? [sniffs] You smell anything?
Greg: Well, see that's what I was going to tell you. I settled on being an astronaut. I'm... I'm wearing a diaper.
Mr. Abbott: A diaper?! You mean, you want to fly a rocket, but you're still gonna pee in your pants?
Greg: Well, they don't make you do it but I wanted to see if I could take it.
Mr. Abbott: Nobody could take it, Greg. Now, get the funk out of my office. [sniffing] Gah!