Chris Quote #309

Quote from Chris in Everybody Hates the Guidance Counselor

Mr. Abbott: Hey, hey, hey, don't get mad at me, short bus. You're the one that didn't take this test serious. It's a test. What did you think was gonna happen? You know what they do to food before they give it to people? They test it. They don't even give people, uh, paper towels without testing it first. How do you think they know that Bounty is the quicker picker-upper? They test it, and you know what happens to all the other paper towels that couldn't sop up the grease? They fail and get sent back.
Chris: Well, maybe if they would've told the paper towel that he needed to sop up the grease to get to the store, he would've done better.
Mr. Abbott: What are you talking about?!
Chris: I don't know. You started it.

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 ‘Everybody Hates the Guidance Counselor’ Quotes

Quote from Chris

Mr. Abbott: Okay, let's start. Father.
Chris: Tired.
Mr. Abbott: Mother.
Chris: Bald.
Mr. Abbott: Excuse me?
Chris: Sorry. I was still on "father."
Mr. Abbott: Thank God. I thought you had a bald mother.

Quote from Manny

Adult Chris: [v.o.] My dad didn't go to college and neither did my mother, so I tried to find out if I knew anybody who did.
Chris: Hey, Manny, did you ever go to college?
Manny: Always wanted to, but I found out I couldn't.
Chris: Why not?
Manny: I had this thing called "extenuating circumstances."
Mr. Omar: Like what?
Manny: I never finished high school. So I got a job here and when Manny died, I took over.
Chris: Wait, you had the same name as the owner?
Manny: No, no, no, my name was Lester. But I had to make a choice: change the sign or change my name. And that sign was expensive.

 Chris Quotes

Quote from Everybody Hates Funerals

Maxine: Mmm. Rochelle, can't you make a decent glass of iced tea?
Chris: Well, can't you leave her alone? It's iced tea! If you're thirsty, well, then you drink it! If you're not, don't!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I might be joining my grandfather sooner than I thought.
Maxine: Are you going to sit there and let that boy talk to me like that? Boy, don't you know I'll knock you into another family?
[fantasy: Chris sits on a couch with a White family:]
Mother: Who are you?
Chris: You don't want to know.

Quote from Everybody Hates Minimum Wage

Julius: You can't just quit every time you don't like something. I mean, what if Miles Davis had quit the trumpet?
Chris: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. What if George Washington Carver quit the peanut? What if B.B. King quit "Lucille"? What if Paul Robeson quit "Old Man River"? [time lapse] What if Bill Cosby quit Jell-O? What if Mr. T quit pitying the fool? What if Stevie quit wondering? What if Fat Albert quit The Cosby Kids. [time lapse] What if Ashford quit Simpson? What if Michael Jackson quit doing the moonwalk? What if Diana Ross quit The Supremes?
Julius: Diana Ross did quit the Supremes.
Chris: You get my point.
Julius: Just go get a job.
Chris: Okay.