Monk Quotes Page 2 of 2
Quote from Everybody Hates the Substitute
Chris: "Corleone Junior High School letter of resignation." Do you think this will work?
Monk: Of course it'll work, or my name ain't Monk.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] His name's not Monk. His name was Jimmy.
Quote from Everybody Hates DJs
Chris: I need an advance.
Monk: For what?
Chris: "The Payback."
Monk: The payback? Get down here quick. What's up with the payback? How'd you know about it? Who told you that?
Chris: I'm just talking about the James Brown album.
Monk: Oh, you talking about "The Big Payback."
Chris: What'd you think I was talking about?
Monk: Never mind. Anyway, I don't loan money, man. It ruins relationships. I once loaned my mother money for a bus ticket, never saw her again.
Chris: So, you can't do it?
Monk: Nope. Sorry, Chris, can't do it.
Chris: All right.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I should've said I need the money to overthrow the Sandinistas.
Quote from Everybody Hates Houseguests
Adult Chris: [v.o.] After school, Greg was doing his homework while I was doing my work work.
Monk: Okay, now, Doc left some instructions for you, Chris. Now, get all the merchandise out of all these boxes and stock the shelves with them, okay? Now, all the empty boxes need to be broken down and cut up into small pieces and thrown into the Dumpster behind the Chinese place when Mr. Hoo isn't looking. Now, when that's done, you can start your work. Hey, uh, Greg, you need anything? Soda? Ice cream bar?
Greg: No, thanks.
Monk: How come you don't do your homework like that, Chris?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Because I'm too busy cutting up boxes.
Quote from Everybody Hates the Ninth-Grade Dance
Adult Chris: [v.o.] The kids at school didn't want me to go to the dance with Carrie, but I knew everyone at the barbershop would support me.
Manny: No, no! No! You're going to the dance with a White girl?
Risky: Now, what's the big deal? He's going to the school dance, and it's with somebody from the school.
Chris: Thank you. Hey, Monk, you ever dated a White girl?
Monk: Nope. But I took a Vietnamese girl to my prom.
Manny: Vietnamese?
James: North or South?
Monk: South.
All: Ooh.
Monk: Well, anyhow, she spent the whole night hiding under the deejay booth.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] She was hiding from him.
Quote from Everybody Hates My Man
Monk: I need some ammo for my bazooka.
Julius: Anti-tank or anti-personnel?
Monk: Anti-tank, of course.
Julius: Oh, here you go.
Monk: Thank you.
Quote from Everybody Hates Eggs
Monk: Boy, where have you been? You've been gone for almost an hour. I thought you went AWOL. How far does that girl live?
Chris: Just up the block.
Monk: Oh, all right. Well, here, got another package for you. Take this to Miss Perkins.
Chris: Hey, where's Junebug?
Monk: What'd you say? Boy, Junebug?! How did you know about Junebug?! That's supposed to be a black op.
Chris: Black op?
Monk: Oh.
Chris: Junebug is the name of my egg. It was sitting right here.
Monk: Well, I don't know; I've been packing bags all day. That thing could be anywhere.
Chris: Oh, man!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Junebug was the first egg to ever end up on a milk carton.
Quote from Everybody Hates Baseball
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Monk was always on guard.
Monk: [holding a knife] Is that your brother?
Chris: Yeah.
Monk: ... Just checking. I'll be back in 20 minutes.
Quote from Everybody Hates Baseball
Monk: Look, you ain't gotta take my word for it.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I'm not.
Monk: But ask anybody, they'll tell you. You can always hang out with your daddy. Go to the movie.
Quote from Everybody Hates Ex-Cons
Rochelle: Well, you know, I-I work for the Department of Records. Maybe I could help you find, you know, some copies of yours.
Malvo: That'd be great; I'd be most gracious.
Rochelle: "Most gracious." Good word.
[Rochelle goes to the window and gives a signal to Monk, who is on the roof of the other building with a rifle]
Monk: Come on, man.
Quote from Everybody Hates Mr. Levine
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Mr. Levine learned to talk before language became politically correct, so now he had to deal with SWA- shvartzers with attitude.
Doc: Hey, man, watch your mouth. You can't be saying that word unless you want to get your ass kicked by a room full of shvartzers.
Chris: Hey, man. Come on, Doc.
Monk: Why you saying that, man?
Chris: Hey, what's that word mean anyway?
Monk: It's Yiddish for "Black." Oh!
Chris: Monk, what's wrong with you?
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