‘Everybody Hates Varsity Jackets’
Season 4, Episode 12 - Aired January 16, 2009
Chris joins the wrestling team so he can get a Varsity jacket. Meanwhile, Rochelle puts the whole family on a die, and Drew forms a girl band which Tonya wants to join.
Quote from Adult Chris
Julius: Hey, Chris, how's it going on the wrestling team?
Chris: Oh, I'm undefeated. They call me the Black Plague.
Rochelle: Isn't that an insult?
Julius: Well, I'm just glad you're winning. You don't want to know the things they called Jackie Robinson.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If you really want to know, ask Michael Richards or Don Imus.
Quote from Chris
Adult Chris: [v.o.] While my father was pounding shakes, I was pounding cake.
Referee: Chris, get on the scale.
Chris: [to Greg] Hold this.
Referee: One-fourteen. You're going to have to wrestle a class up today.
Chris: [mouth full] How did that happen?
Greg: What did you expect? You ate a couple pieces of pound cake, so you gained a couple of pounds. Anyways, I gotta go to drama club. Be careful out there, man.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I'm not worried about it. What difference could a pound make? None, unless I had to fight somebody.
Chris: Ow.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Not even Don King could have fixed that match.
Quote from Adult Chris
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Unfortunately for me, they found a cure for the Black Plague: a good ass whooping.
Quote from Julius
Julius: So I've been spending money on shakes while you've been wasting money on food?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Only my father would think food was a waste of money.
All: Yes.
Julius: I work two jobs, and you let me leave the house with nothing on my stomach but a fish juice shake?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Not cool, unless your husband's a shark.
Julius: If this is how you do when you're trying to get skinny, I'd rather have you fat.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That's what Kirstie Alley's man said to her.
Quote from Tonya
Tonya: There won't be a next time with me. I'm taking the other girls and we're starting our own group.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Called TMA. Too Much Attitude.
Quote from Rochelle
Rochelle: Bam!
Drew: Ma, why are you wearing my jeans?
Rochelle: These are my jeans.
Drew: No, they're not. They're my ten dollar lucky jeans. I always keep ten dollars in the right front pocket.
Rochelle: You mean I've been killing myself to get into a boy's pair of pants?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] You and Michael Jackson.
Julius: That was--
Rochelle: $98.45 worth of wasted shakes.
Julius: It's not a total waste. [smacks Rochelle's butt]
Rochelle: Baby, give me a biscuit.
Quote from Chris
Adult Chris: [v.o.] In professional sports, the best athletes get a sneaker contract.
Greg: Are those Air Jordans?
Chris: Yeah. My dad got them for me last year.
Greg: Oh, that's so cool. He's, like, the best guy in the NBA.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] As cool as it was having Jordan sneakers, it was nowhere near as cool as having a varsity letter.
Chris: Man, I would set these sneakers on fire and eat them for a varsity letter.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That's how David Blaine got his.
Quote from Rochelle
Adult Chris: [v.o.] While Tonya tried to get into Drew's group, my mother tried to get into a pair of jeans.
Rochelle: Dang it!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] She sweated less during childbirth.
Rochelle: That's it. I'm going on a diet.
Quote from Drew
Drew: Aren't you gonna do something?
Princess Latifah: Why don't you do something?
Drew: Because I'm the one auditioning you.
Princess Latifah: No one talk to Princess Latifah like that! Next!
[Two men drag Drew away]
Quote from Drew
Drew: That was cool.
Girl #1: So, what's the name of your group?
Drew: It's gonna be called Fish and Chips. So you guys in?
Both: Yeah!
Drew: Cool.