Adult Chris: [v.o.] Before you could buy plane tickets on the Internet, the cheapest way to travel was to take Greyhound.
Rochelle: How's it going?
Julius: Well, they've only got two busses that go to Greenville, South Carolina. The cheaper one goes to Camden, Portsmouth, Baltimore, Richmond, Baltimore again, Raleigh, Toledo, Gastonia... Darryl Richardson's house...
Rochelle: What?
Julius: Boston, the Crossroads, Atlanta, then Greenville.
Rochelle: Well, does the other bus make less stops? Oh!
Julius: Yeah, but it costs almost $200 more.

Uncle Louis: Well, why don't we just drive? I love a road trip.
Julius: What, are... you going with us?
Uncle Louis: [laughs] Well, how else am I supposed to get there, silly? You want to... [imitates air rushing] Superman! [laughs] Blink! Yes, master.
Julius: Well, I- I just assumed you'd be flying... I mean, you don't want to be on no bus with us.
Uncle Louis: Are you kidding? I love the bus! [laughs] Man, I get to spend time with my big brother and his family, see the sights, meet new people, and best of all, sing-alongs. Sing it with me. [sings] Now I lay me down to sleep, bow! [Louis imitating electric bass] Whoo! I just can't...
Louis & Rochelle: Find the beat Flashlight, light [Louis imitating electric bass] Now, Neon light... Take the bass part. Neon light...

Rochelle: What is wrong with you? Do you hear that?
Uncle Louis: [o.s.] [sings] Everybody's got a little light [falsetto] Under the sun, under the sun...
Julius: That's what's wrong with me. Look, I'm not gonna spend 26 hours on a bus with my brother. I love him, but he drives me nuts.
Rochelle: Baby, why? I mean, he's always laughing and smiling and in a good mood.
Julius: Exactly. And while he's having fun, you know what I'm doing? Working. Look, look. I'm not trying to be unreasonable, but I just cannot take it.
Rochelle: Okay...
Julius: Baby, look, I can't take it.
Rochelle: All right, I got you. Just calm down. I'll handle it.

Rochelle: So that's why I decided to divide our money between me, you and Chris.
Chris: You did?
Rochelle: Yeah. So just in case somebody pickpockets one of us, they won't get us all.
Julius: Well, where'd you put it?
Rochelle: [whispers] It's in your shirt pocket. Don't look for it now!
Julius: Hey, there's the gate right there.
Rochelle: Don't touch anything. And don't make eye contact with strangers.

Julius: This pocket doesn't open.
Rochelle: Oh, well, I sewed the top closed, and I left it open on the side.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Star Jones had that done to her stomach.

Tonya: Ma, I'm hungry. Can we get a snack?
Rochelle: Are you nuts? Have you seen the rats in this place?
Drew: Let's just go home and eat there.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Same rats, different borough.
Rochelle: Okay, okay, we'll get something from the vending machines.
Julius: I'll go get the tickets.
Rochelle: All right, well, Chris, get these bags together, okay? We'll be right back. Keep your eyes open. And put the money away, boy! Come on.

Tonya: Oh, Ma, TV seats! Can we watch, please?
Rochelle: Okay, we got time for one show, and then we got to go back.
Tonya: Me first.
Rochelle: Well, let me get some change. [hits the change machine]
Madge: It's broken.
Rochelle: Well, didn't you see me about to put money in there?
Madge: Yeah.
Rochelle: Well, why didn't you say something?
Madge: Ain't that how it goes.

Hustler: Como esta, everybody? Top o' the morning to you. Top o' the day. Wherever you think you're going, tiempo para jugar! It's time to play. Ladies and gentlemen, I got three cards here. You guys got courage? You know what luck is? Luck is opportunity and preparedness coming together as one. And I'm prepared. Are you? Three simple cards. You tell me which one's it gonna be? Can you find the jack? It's all about this jack, and if you pick the right one out of these three cards, you can win some money right now. Come on, sir, I feel your intensity over there. "Hmm, I could win some money, I could get my wife a nice little present; I could bring it on the bus when I see her." Come on. Here we go. What you got for me? You got to find this jack. You ready? It's all about what you see and what you saw. Where's the jack, sir?
Man: Uh, ten bucks right here.
Hustler: Right there, huh? Let's turn that over. Pa-pow! [the man laughs] Ten dollars. This man's a winner, everybody. This man's a winner, and I over here am a giver. There you go, sir. Lucky man, lucky man, indeed. We're gonna start it up and running again. We're talking about... the jack, where's the jack?
Woman: I'm pretty sure it's out on the end.
Hustler: What about you, man, you want to jump in on this? Here we go. Oh...! Money, money goes around, money, money, can it be found? Congratulations. We gonna keep this dance going.
Hustler: Little man, why don't you play?
Chris: Nah. I'm not allowed to gamble.
Hustler: Aw, this ain't gambling. This is easy. You can handle this. See these three little cards? I'll show you what it's all about, see? All you have to do is see if you... can pick... the right... card. Where's the right card?
Chris: There.
Hustler: Little man.
Man: I'm on him.
Hustler: What's up, little man, you want to put a little money on that?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] It would've been great to take the quicker bus down South, and even though my mind said, "Don't do it," my mouth said... $20.
Woman: $20 on the young man.
Hustler: All right. Why don't you turn that card over. Yeah!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I knew I wasn't supposed to gamble, but I was doing it for a good cause, [excited shouting] and I was winning.

Hustler: Hundred dollars says you're wrong.
Chris: I don't have a hundred.
Hustler: Whatcha got?
Chris: $80.
Hustler: Throw it down. [others oohing]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] This was gonna be easy money.
Hustler: Turn it over.
Woman: Oh, my Lord.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I got jacked with a deck of cards.

Uncle Louis: [sings] Everybody's got a little light Under the sun, under the sun Under the sun Oh, flashlight
Chris: Uncle Louis?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] No, it's Bootsy Collins.