Adult Chris: [v.o.] Finding out that Caruso loved cats was one thing. Finding out how to use it against him was something else.
Greg: Maybe you could kidnap one of his cats, hold him for ransom, and when he doesn't send the money, you could cut off one of the cat's ears, send it in a plain brown wrapper just to let him know you're serious.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] At that moment, I was happy that I'd always been nice to Greg.
Chris: What the heck is this?
Greg: Banacek. I'm mixing it up.

Plumber: Here you go.
Julius: $268? To unclog a drain?
Plumber: It wasn't just a clogged drain. I had to replace a U pipe, your trap, washers, your valves. What the hell you been pouring down that drain anyway? It smells like hot sauce.
Julius: It's Drainada.
Plumber: Spanish Drano?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Sí, señor.
Plumber: Do me a favor, keep using that stuff. It's good for business.
Julius: Do you take coupons?
Mr. Omar: Tragic, tragic!

Chris: Man, I can't wait. No more tests, no more bus rides.
Greg: Hold on. There. 2,100 minutes.
Chris: What?
Greg: There are 2,100 minutes left until the end of the school year.
Chris: Don't you mean five days?
Greg: I prefer 2,100 minutes. It sounds like less time.
Chris: Whatever.

Rochelle: And back to you. What in the world would possess you to throw ice cream on your brother?
Tonya: Because he's always teasing me because he's graduating, and I'm not. I'm sick of him.
Drew: [sighs] Baby, it's just his turn. One day, you're gonna graduate, and if your father has anything to do with it, you will be getting on everybody's nerves. Trust me. But baby, until then, you just have to be patient.
Tonya: But when Drew leaves Dolemite, who's gonna walk me to school?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Even though Tonya was a menace to society, she was still a little girl at heart.
Drew: I will, Tonya. I'm only going to Sanford. I can still walk you.
Tonya: You will?
Drew: Yeah.
Rochelle: I think you owe your brother an apology.
Tonya: I'm sorry.

Chris: I don't know, man. Maybe this isn't such a good idea.
Greg: What are you talking about?
Chris: I just wish Caruso would leave me alone, and I feel like if I get my revenge, I'll be no better than him.
Greg: Yeah, I guess you're right. You should be the bigger man. You should just forget about that time he hit you with paint balloons. Or about the time he egged you on Halloween. Or the time he stole your picture day clothes. Go ahead, let the cycle of violence continue. You know what they say.
Chris: What do they say?
Greg: All it takes for evil to prevail is for a few good men to do nothing.
Joey Caruso: Out of my way, Count Chocula. I got places to be.
Greg: You're a better man than me.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Oh, we'll see about that.

Greg: Do you really think this is gonna work?
Chris: I want to show Caruso that he can't keep messing with me and get away with it. I'm gonna get him back. I'm gonna get him back good.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Like Tina finally did to Ike.

Drew: Hey, Mom, can we eat at Junior's after graduation?
Tonya: I hate Junior's. Can we eat at Sylvia's?
Rochelle: Drew gets to pick. He's the one graduating.
Drew: You know what? In that case, Ma, we have to go to Sylvia's.
Rochelle: Oh, that's nice, baby.
Drew: To tell Sylvia we're eating at Junior's. [laughs]

Adult Chris: [v.o.] While Drew was moving up, Mr. Omar's drain was stopped up.
Julius: How long has it been like that?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Ever since it got back from vacation in Haiti.

Mr. Omar: I don't know. Some time overnight, it just got all backed up.
Julius: I'll take care of it.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father thought he could fix anything with Crazy Glue or duct tape.
[flashback: Julius taping up the table leg:]
Rochelle: What you doing?
Julius: Fixing the table. All done.
[flashback: Julius pumping up a tire with a large strip of duct tape around it:]
Rochelle: Julius, did you fix that flat tire?
Julius: Good as new.
[flashback to Julius reading in the living room:]
Rochelle: Did you fix that noise yet?
Julius: Quiet as a mouse.
[The kids all have duct tape across their mouths]

Julius: Here, hold this for me.
Mr. Omar: I don't think duct tape is gonna fix that, Mr. Julius. Why don't you just call the plumber?
Julius: For $25 an hour? I don't think so.