‘Everybody Hates PSATs’
Season 4, Episode 14 - Aired January 30, 2009
After Rochelle wants Chris to do well on his PSATs so she can show him off at a prestigious club, he obtains an answer key and gets a perfect score.
Quote from Tonya
Julius: They give scholarships for being smart? I thought they only gave scholarships for playing sports.
Tonya: Do they give scholarships for being an idiot? Chris can get that.
Quote from Drew
Boy: When Americans talk about dance, it's always Michael Jackson, but I think that if more people were to see Baryshnikov, they would feel differently.
Drew: Oh, really? Well, a lot of people saw him dance in White Nights and they're still talking about Michael Jackson. I'm more of a Boogaloo Shrimp fan myself.
Quote from Chris
Chris: I don't have enough time to do the work I need to do to stay in this school. When am I going to find time to do the work I need to do to get into another school?
Greg: Well, make time. You have to prepare for this kind of exam. Study a few hours every night and then get eight hours of sleep the night before the test.
Chris: I haven't slept eight hours since I was born.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] We were so broke, we had to share our sleep.
Quote from Jerome
Jerome: Hey, little dude, let me hold a dollar.
[Jerome gives Chris the candy he's buying as Chris gives him a dollar]
Chris: [rings register] That'll be a dollar.
Jerome: Here you go. [hands Chris back his dollar]
Jerome: PSATs, huh? You know, my uncle works at the place that makes the test books. And I'm selling answer keys if you need one. 20 bucks.
Chris: No, I'm good.
Jerome: Well, you'll be better if you have the answers to that test.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I'd be better if you'd stop robbing me every single day.
Quote from Rochelle
Adult Chris: [v.o.] At Hansel and Gretel my mother laid down the law like the big bad wolf.
Rochelle: Okay, I need you guys to be on your best behavior. So please, be sure to say "please" and "thank you." And for God's sake, use your right fork. Now if you don't know what somebody is talking about, just look at them, nod, and say, "Oh, really?" And agree, okay?
Tonya: Okay.
Rochelle: Now go mingle.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That's White-speak for talking.
Quote from Tonya
Girl: I just started taking violin lessons. My parents took me to Lincoln Center to see Itzhak Perlman. He's a genius.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My family could nod and say, "Oh, really?"
Tonya: Oh, really?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] But good luck getting them to agree.
Tonya: The violin's okay. I like the bass. Have you ever heard the bass line to "Get the Funk Out of My Face"? Louis Thunder-Thumbs Johnson? Now that's a genius.
Quote from Greg
Adult Chris: [v.o.] While I dealt with my success, Greg dealt with his failure.
Greg: Advanced Placement classes. I can't understand how you did so well on the test. I studied for days and still did horribly.
Chris: Greg, I cheated. I had the answers.
Greg: Dude, why didn't you tell me? I could have used them, too.
Chris: Don't you think it'd look suspicious if you and I ended up with identical scores?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Plus, he would have panicked and ratted me out.
Greg: Yeah, plus, I would have panicked and ratted you out.
Quote from Rochelle
Rochelle: Boy, I ought to knock you into subspace.
Chris: Isn't that kind of ridiculous?
[fantasy:]
Russian Cosmonaut: Mission Control, that stupid Black kid is outside of the Space Station.
Chris: Help me!
Quote from Greg
Adult Chris: [v.o.] While my mother was happy, the big test was making Greg testy.
Greg: This test is a monster. Have you looked at this thing? It covers everything from analogies and reading comprehension to algebra, geometry, statistics and probability.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Anybody got a dictionary?
Quote from Jerome
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Since I didn't get to cram on my test, there was only one thing left to do.
Chris: Hey, Jerome.
Jerome: Little dude from across the street. Let me hold a dollar.
Chris: I'll let you hold $20. I need the answer key to the PSAT test.
Jerome: Now you're thinking.