Chris: He stole my clothes.
Joey Caruso: No, I didn't.
Chris: Yes, you did.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Mrs. Malone was the school's assistant principal. She was promoted to the position after proving the only thing she hated more than kids was working with kids.
Mrs. Milone: Stop it. Both of you. I don't have time for this. If you stole his clothes, give them back now.
Joey Caruso: I didn't. [opens his locker] See? Told you.
Mrs. Milone: I don't like liars, young man. Lie to me again, that's detention.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I wonder what I would have gotten if I'd stomped on her big toe.

Photographer: All right, go ahead and take a spot back by the girl in the pink in the back row. And you can sit right here, buddy.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] This looks like the educated Wu Tang Clan.

Chris: What's going on?
Girl: He stole my shoes.
Boy #1: That's my sweater.
Boy #2: That's my shirt.
Boy #3: Those are my pants.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] How the hell did he get home with no pants?
Chris: I didn't steal them. I got them from the Lost and Found.
Mrs. Milone: Did you lose them?
Chris: No.
Mrs. Milone: Then you can't find them.
[After the kids advance on Chris...]
Mrs. Milone: You'd better find something to wear. You can't take a picture in your underwear.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I guess nobody ever told Prince that.

Julius: Hey, is that my money?
Rochelle: This is your money. This is my money.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Women say that in divorce court every day.
Rochelle: You're blocking my light.

Tonya: Drew, do you have my shoe?
Drew: I don't know what you're talking about.
Rochelle: Tonya, why you in here fooling around? You have a picture to take tomorrow. You need to be looking for the other shoe. Now!
Tonya: [quietly] I'm sorry.
Drew: What? I couldn't hear you. What'd you say?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Drew was never the type to take advantage of people, but Tonya had it coming, so he was going to give it to her.
Tonya: I said I'm sorry.
Drew: Sorry for what?
Tonya: Come on, Drew, dang.
Drew: I don't know what you're talking about, Tonya.
Tonya: I'm sorry for breaking your car, and I won't mess with your stuff anymore.
Drew: And you'll stay out of our room?
Tonya: Yes.
Drew: Good.
Tonya: Now give me my shoe back.
Drew: I don't have your shoe.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] All he wanted was to see her crawl.
Drew: Tonya. Here.
Tonya: Thanks.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Three hours later, Tonya set his Voltron robot on fire.