Adult Chris: [v.o.] While my mother got ready for New Years, Peaches got ready to rumble.
Peaches: How come you won't let Chris go to Times Square with me?
Rochelle: Well, hello, Peaches.
Peaches: You know what, Rochelle? If we are gonna be friends, at some point you are gonna have to learn how to trust me.
Rochelle: Mmm. Now, I'll trust you with some clothes, but trusting you with my children, that's another thing.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Not to Britney Spears.
Peaches: Oh! Huh. And why is that?
Rochelle: You know why.
Peaches: No, no, no, no. Say it. Say it. No, no, no. Say it. I want to hear you say it.
Rochelle: Um... you're an ex-convict.
Peaches: Oh, my God, she said it. She said it. Rochelle, what you think I'ma do?
[fantasy: Peaches emerges from a bank holding a bag of cash and a gun:]
Peaches: I got it! Drive the car, Chris. Drive the car! Drive the car! Drive the car!

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Not my brother.
Drew: This year, I'm not going to take any more girls from Chris.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] We'll see about that.
Girl: That's so sweet, Drew. Who's Chris?
Chris: I'm Chris. You came in with me.

Doc: Well... [blows party horn] I sell New Year's, I don't celebrate it.
Chris: Why not?
Doc: Because anything could happen. You remember when Michael Jackson got his hair caught on fire? I bet you any money he celebrated New Year's. And look what happened. If I get through tonight, I'll celebrate tomorrow.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Doc was the only person I knew who celebrated Old New Year's Eve.

Chris: I just want to see the ball drop. You can't go with me?
Rochelle: [sighs] I don't have the time, Chris. I got to soak my black eyed peas, I got to pull my greens, I got to clean them...
Adult Chris: [v.o.] She's a bale of cotton away from setting us back 300 years.
Chris: Why do you have to do all that stuff every year anyway?
Rochelle: It's a tradition, Chris. It's for good luck.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] There's a reason Black people think vegetables are lucky.
[fantasy: a White man guides a group of escaped slaves:]
Man: They're coming, quick, hide behind these greens. [another White man walks by with two dogs]
[reality:]
Chris: Should've ate some greens before I came and asked you.
Rochelle: Ooh, you better watch your mouth unless you want to get smacked into the new year.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] While Tonya was planning on staying up, Drew was planning on taking her down.
Tonya: [sings] I've got a crush on you
Drew: I don't know why you're singing. You know you're going to fall asleep before the Jets come on. You never make it past 10:00.
Tonya: I bet you I do tonight.
Drew: I bet you don't.
Tonya: How much?
Drew: If you fall asleep, you owe me 20 bucks.
Tonya: And if you fall asleep, I'm going to glue your hand to your face.
Drew: I don't see how since you won't have money for glue.

Greg: [on the phone with Chris] I can't believe your dad saved a guy. That's so cool. You know, if that guy had been a girl, he'd be so in there.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Another one of Greg's pickup techniques. If you stop a girl from killing herself, she might go out with you.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] I even tried Kill Moves. I had to start using the word "responsible" loosely.
Chris: Kill Moves, wake up.
Kill Moves: I'm awake, I just got my eyes closed. I'm testing their opacity. What do you need?
Chris: I was wondering if you wanted to go with me tonight to see the ball drop in Times Square.
Kill Moves: I would love to! But I can't see through my eyelids, so I don't see what the point would be. [Chris leaves] Hey, hey, Chris? Chris?

Rochelle: Peaches, I don't have to give you a reason.
Peaches: Rochelle, you know what? My parole officer said I am proof that the system works. I am a new me. I have learned from my mistakes. I have paid my debt to society.
Rochelle: And you want to open a new line of credit with my child.
Peaches: Well, if not yours, then whose? Mine? She got to go with me. Now, how am I supposed to feel improved and empowered by that?
Rochelle: Peaches, this is not about you.
Peaches: Yes, it is. You not not letting him go with somebody else.
Rochelle: Peaches, it's dangerous down there.
Peaches: Rochelle, don't you think I know that? That's why I got Malvo coming.
Rochelle: Oh, that's nice. Another ex-convict!
Peaches: Ex! Ex, Rochelle. That means "former." "Used to be. " "Not currently." And you know what? This is what's really, 'cause it makes me... and I'm gonna be upset about this now. If you won't let me move on, then it's only a matter of time before I become an accomplice all over again. Now, do you want that on your head?

Rochelle: Chris. So, how did it go?
Chris: Great. It was the best night of my life.
Rochelle: Did you have any problems?
Chris: No.
Rochelle: Did anybody get arrested?
Chris: No.
Rochelle: Detained?
Chris: No.
Rochelle: Searched?
Chris: No.
Rochelle: Questioned?
Chris: No. It was perfect.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Last year, this is how I celebrated New Year's Eve. [Chris blows a party horn in bed as the clock turns midnight] So I made a resolution that my next New Year's Eve would be different.
Doc: So, you doing anything special for New Year's Eve, Chris?
Chris: I'm going down to Times Square to watch the ball drop.
Doc: Times Square? You crazy? The only people down there are drunks and pickpockets.
Chris: I don't care, it's the biggest New Year's celebration on Earth and I live 20 minutes from it and I haven't been.